my sister's house...12 years and a driveway away

My sister lives across the driveway from me and this is part of the view that I can see of her house from my kitchen window. She thinks I spy on her because she catches me looking out my kitchen window at her when she is out there with her friends or taking Baxter out, but it is my kitchen window...who doesn't look out their kitchen window when they are doing dishes if they have a kitchen window above the sink. Come on!

Okay, so sometimes I do check up on her because I care about her and her roommate and I want to make sure they are safe, but who wouldn't. She is my sister and my best friend and I guarantee she spies on me too if she senses I need to be checked on. Plus, there is the 12 year thing and even though we have crossed over into adult friendship in almost every way {when she has kids, we will reach an even deeper level} I still have that protective instinct over her. I did change her diapers after all.

You know, God knew what He was doing and I would never second guess His decision to bring my brother and sister 12 years after me, but sometimes I have mini-fantasies about what life might be like if I were their age right now...would we be roommates...get married close together...have babies at the same time...share all of the same struggles together, leaning on one another along the way? Or would we kill each other with our strong opinions and personalities? [Did I ever mention that when I was pregnant with my first I threw a basket of dumdums at her and she called me a fat *b and lunged like she wanted to push me down the stairs?] If we were closer in age it might have happened a lot more often. Would we even be able to give each other the special insight we can give one another now?  My 38 year old "wisdom" matched with her 26 year old "zeal,hope, and fresh perspective?" No, I believe our reality is way better than my mini-fantasies of living together and sharing the same group of friends. She has such an impact on my kids, a unique impact that she couldn't have if she had little ones of her own when I did. And, she keeps me young in spirit and in body because we walk together, zumba together, talk all the time and pray together every day. Love that girl.

I guess a drive-way away is pretty close to roommates, even if she does work long hours. I get to see my beautiful sister's face every single day. SO BLESSED! Let me never take this time for granted...who knows how long it will last?

random latelies...end of November...

We have all of the decorations up and have since Thanksgiving day. We were so surprised that this one actually still worked. A good friend of mine gave it to us several years ago when we lived in Olathe and they were going to get rid of it. Look closely and you will see it is a ball of lights connected with plastic dixie type cups. GENIUS, in my humble opinion! From the street, it just looks like a glorious Christmas disco ball. We haven't hung in in 3 years, so when we plugged it in and all lights worked we were like, "THIS ROCKS THE HIZOUSE!"

So lovely...I like to just sit outside in the frozen air while I am taking the baby dog out to pee in the middle of the night and stare at the beauty of the ball. I am not being sarcastic.

Call me WT, I don't care, I love it.

Posted one of these on facebook, much to James displeasure because his hair looks like Lloyd Christmas' hair from Dumb and Dumber after just waking up...It's about the dog, not the hair and the point is, he loves her even if he won't admit it.

This last pic is of the kids playing with one of their Christmas presents that they weren't supposed to get yet. I asked my friend who just had a premie if I could buy her premie clothes for my littles to use on their dolls when she was finished with them, so she brought them to the church and gave them to James, who unaware, sent them home with the bag. Merry Christmas, early!  They are enjoying dressing up every doll and stuffed animal in the house.

So, yeah...that is our random end of November posting. I haven't been inspired to post anything thought-provoking lately because I have been feeling icky. I have been fighting a cold, we have all had stomach issues, and my mood hasn't been the perkiest...Hopefully I will be inspired to write soon. I welcome any ideas for topics.

Meet Sneeple...2011

Sneeple arrived on our shelf the morning after Thanksgiving with a book explaining his arrival.  Apparently, he will be watching over us to report back to Santa each night and when he returns each morning, he will be in a different spot, where we have to find him.  He is a little mischievous, himself, so we are hoping he minds his manners while he is here.  After Christmas Eve he will return to Santa and we won't see him again until next year.  The kids have been having a blast searching for him each morning.  I guess this will be a new tradition in our house. I have a strong feeling that Sneeple loves Jesus even more than he loves Santa, and he knows that Santa loves Jesus too, so I bet he'll find creative ways to remind our family of the true meaning of Christmas in his adventures.

only One...

There is only One who will never disappoint.
Only One who can be trusted...always...in every situation...with our hearts, our lives, our destiny.
So, why then do we spend our entire lives trying to place others in His place...And being shocked with every disappointment?

Our Spouses,
Our Parents,
Our Children,
Our Family,
Our Friends,
Our Leaders,
Ourselves,

No one can replace the One.
Stop trying...it isn't possible.

Thankful even for the fleas...

One of mine and James' favorite books is The Hiding Place a biography of Corrie Ten Boom. It is one of the hardest books to read because of the emotion packed pages recounting her experience during World War II, but also one of the most inspiring books we have ever read because of the amazing story of Corrie's family and their faith. They were a Christian family who hid Jews to protect them from the German army. Eventually they were all arrested for their "crime."

Corrie was taken to a prison in Scheveningen, along with her father, her sister Betsie and her brother Willem. Corrie's beloved father died in prison ten days after his arrest. Corrie spent the following months of prison life sustaining herself with the words of life she found in her tiny Bible, secretly given to her by a friendly nurse during an examination. In June of 1944, Corrie and her sister Betsie were moved to Vught, a labor camp in southern Holland. Conditions at the labour camp were awful, but Corrie was thankful that they had not been sent to Germany. She was also thankful that she was able to be with her sister and around people rather than in solitary confinement as she had been in Scheveningen.

Two months after arriving at Vught, Corrie was transferred to her worst nightmare: the notoriously infamous German concentration camp: Ravensbruck. If what Corrie and Betsie had faced before was in any way challenging, it was nothing compared to what they would go through at Ravensbruck. Corrie's one thought was how she could smuggle her Bible into the camp. She prayed that God would somehow make her invisible when it came her turn to be searched. Corrie would later relate with a shining face how God answered her prayer with a miracle! She was able to walk right by the guards without being touched.
 
Corrie was put into a cell with her sister Betsie. Her worry now was that the guards would see the Bible and take it away from them, the two sister's only source of hope and comfort. The place was so infested with fleas that the sisters could not move without instantly being covered with the bugs. Betsie constantly reminded Corrie that God says to be thankful in all circumstances. When she asked her what they possibly had to be thankful for, Betsie said, "We are together. They did not separate us. We still have your bible, so we can share the love of Jesus with all of the women surrounding us." She also told Corrie that they should thank God for the fleas, Corrie wasn't sure she could do this, but she and Betsie bowed their heads and thanked God for even the fleas.

Weeks later, Corrie was struck by the blessing that came for her obediene to thank God in all circumstances; Betsie had heard a supervisor say she wouldn't step through the door of their cell because of all the fleas, and neither would the guards. It was because of the fleas that Corrie and Betsie were able to continue to keep their Bible without the guards finding it.

Corrie endured all the cruelties inflicted upon her bravely, the ones she could not bear were the ones inflicted on her already weak sister. Betsie greeted each day and each trial with the same sweet smile, rejoicing in the fact that she could share Jesus' love with her fellow prisoners. Corrie did everything in her power to help her dying sister, but the horrible conditions, rampant filth and piercing cold overtook her. Before she died, Betsie said something to Corrie that would stay with her for the rest of her life "[we]...must tell people what we have learned here. We must tell them that there is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still. They will listen to us, Corrie, because we have been here."
 
Betsie was not ever able to leave the camp and tell people, but her words still made it to the world through her sister Corrie.

Two days after her sister died, Corrie was released. She would later discover that her release was an "administrative error". One week after her release all of the women in her age group were sent to the gas chambers. Only Corrie knew that there was no error, God makes no errors.

As we waited for James to return to the van while waiting for him in the Sams parking lot the other day, Shelby and I listened to a sermon on the radio about this particular story. It was such a great opportunity to have a discussion with my 9 year old about why we should be thankful in all circumstances...and such a great reminder to ME, who was feeling sorry for myself as we walked the aisles of Sams seeing all of these things we "need" and can't afford this season. We are blessed beyond measure. We have everything to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!!  It is all about perspective.

(Part of the recounting of her life above was taken from the following website: http://www.hyperhistory.net/apwh/bios/b2corrietenboom.htm)

Preslie poo's latest phase...

Preslie is going through another phase headed toward independence.  Most of the time we hear, "My Do!" when we are trying to help her. It is always either that or, "Daddy Do!" when Daddy is around, Momma can't change diapers, buckle or unbuckle the carseat straps, brush her hair or give her a bath. Another Daddy's girl...I am not surprised. When he isn't here, it is always, "My Do," until she figures out she can't and then there is crying and panic until I tell her to ask for help and she will say, "Help, please." She is still such a baby in our eyes...baby face, baby mullet, diapers...but she is almost 2 and a half. Next year, she will be going to pre-school with Lucy. It freaks me out to think she will be a full blown pre-schooler next summer. Doesn't seem possible!

I may have blogged about this before, can't remember, but she reminds me so much of Jesse. Even when we tuck her in she says the same thing to me that Jesse did at her age.  I start to sing her song and she will say, "NO, sing Jesus Loves Me!" or "Sing Sunshine." Sunshine is Lucy's song, but I sing it to her sometimes. But most of the time now she says, "Sing Jesus Loves Me!" and then, "Again, Jesus Loves Me again..." Jesse did the same thing 4 and a half years ago before we even knew we'd have any more kiddos. I am so thankful for how each of my kiddos are unique and wonderfully made, and I am equally thankful for the ways they reflect one another and other members of our family. But most of all, I am thankful God entrusted me and James with these 4 little souls. I can't imagine our lives without every one of them! Each one is a gift and my heart overflows with gratitude for them.

Be(a)ware of the GAP in Parenting...

At Women of Faith we had the privilege of hearing an author/speaker named Andy Andrews who wrote a book called "The Noticer." when He described himself as a "noticer," I felt like I could relate because I feel like a "noticer" myself. I am a thinker, a feeler and a noticer. I notice things that others might not, and it is annoying to myself and others sometimes because I can't turn my brain off or refrain from analyzing anything and everything I come across especially trends of behavior. I should have been a social worker or counselor or something. I was a Psych major before I switched to education my junior year of college, so I have a minor in Psych...not that that qualifies me for anything...I was a noticer before I ever stepped foot into a college classroom. I notice generalities, and I am usually somewhere among them and I acknowledge that there are exceptions. Everything is on a continuum. So when I write there will always be people who can totally relate and there will be those who strongly disagree because they are the exception...I am not trying to spark a debate just raise awareness for myself and other parents who take our role seriously.

One thing I "noticed" several years ago as a teacher and is glaringly obvious now after teaching teenagers, working with youth and families at our previous church and talking to other parents as my kids get a little older is the "spiritual gap" in the timeline of Christian parenting. When our kids are preschoolers we read them bible stories, pray with them every meal and bedtime, talk about God naturally as we spend time with them in nature, and work with them on memorizing scripture. We read every book we can get our hands on about parenting and training our kids to be strong in their faith and we take bible studies at church about parenting to prepare ourselves for the work ahead of us.

Then sometime over that kindergarten or first grade year and throughout elementary school, many of us gradually and unintentionally move away from that particular "spiritual" role in their life and turn into their tutor for homework, chauffeur, coach, and disciplinarian. The busyness of life edges out those opportunities that used to be a part of our daily life. AND I am not just talking about parents who send their kids to school. Even we homeschoolers do it. We think that since we have them home we will have plenty of time to impart our spiritual values on our kids, but when life gets busy, we tend to do the same thing...focus on the basics of school and other activities and edge out spiritual teaching. Of course, there must be parents out there who have perfect balance in this area, but I haven't met them yet. (Maybe the Duggars do.)

Once our kids enter school we tend to stop focusing on how to direct our kids in the way that they should go and start focusing on ourselves (for a change, after all, it's been all about them for 5 years or so), and this continues for about 6 years...UNTIL they become rebellious teens and we wonder what in the world happened! Then, we panic and start reading parenting books again and doing parenting bible studies. We might even go to counseling or take our kids to counseling to figure out how in blazes our Christian kids became so rebellious all of the sudden.

That is the GAP. The elementary years are the gap. We step back and rely on our schools or our churches to teach our kids and we miss the biggest opportunity to really impact their lives.  Once they are school-aged, they are finally able to process and apply the things we spent so much time teaching them as pre-schoolers, but we don't maximize our opportunities to use teachable moments to help them apply scripture to their lives. We simply "don't have time," or so we think (feel).

Thank God that the Holy Spirit does this for us many times, like when Jesse "got it" the other day as he was writing his memory verse, but I do attribute that somewhat to the fact that when we do read scripture we usually discuss how it applies to their lives or how we have seen it played out in the lives of others. On that particular day (like may days, honestly) we didn't ask them how the scripture applied to life, but on many days, we do, and so they are kind of in the habit of applying the bible to their lives...something I didn't do until my twenties, BECAUSE, I was also a product of the GAP. I had to figure it out on my own as an adult after several years as a rebellious youth. I knew some of the major bible stories I had learned as a preschooler, but didn't ever stop to consider how or if they related to my life. I sit here now, as a 38 year old adult finally seeing most things through an eternal and biblical perspective, but it is a struggle for me daily because I didn't grow up doing it. I had to retrain my brain and renew it with scripture practically daily to change my thought patterns.



If this weren't a problem in our society, movies like Courageous wouldn't be necessary or evoke so much emotion in our hearts. We know it is true whether we want to face it now or not and it is true in all homes, single parent or not, we have a responsibility to our kids to be more than their tutor for homework, chauffeur, coach, and disciplinarian.

God's command for parents is spelled out in Deuteronomy 6:5-9: 

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Be(a)ware of the GAP and be intentional in your parenting, even through the elementary years...And, please hold us accountable to do the same. We try. Sometimes we fail and sometimes we succeed as it is with life, always. When we fail, let us recognize it and jump back on the right path...It's all about perspective, perspective and purpose and actually doing what we purpose to do.

Something Andy Andrews, the author/speaker I mentioned above also said that really hit home is that "there is NO power in intention." what we "intend to do doesn't matter, it is what we actually do do that matters." He wasn't talking about parenting, but I am applying the principle to it just as it can be applied in every area of life . It is kind of like Yoda's famous, "There is no try, there is only do."

So, while we need to be continually educating ourselves on how to be godly parents, we must put what we learn into practice to avoid the GAP and to make a real impact on our kids and ultimately on eternity through their little lives.

Embrace the camera...Lichtenfam...October Birthdays 2011

Kristin took these pics of our fam last month at October Birthdays. Love them.

Close to the broken hearted...

Yesterday morning we were in the middle of school (which is going much better lately, thank the Lord, it really is miraculous), and the kids were copying their scripture memory verse for the week when Jesse said something that took my breath away.

He was writing Psalm 34:18, "God is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit," when he stopped and said, "You know Mom, that is really true, because when Allyson had her babies and River's twin brother Archer died, God was close to her. Her spirit was crushed and he saved her." I am crying as I type this today, just as I did yesterday when he said it. Jesse "got" it.

It is true. Archer's little life, as short as it was, impacted my son...our whole family, in fact. The Cheneys are dear friends of ours and we were greatly moved by watching and experiencing the way God sustained them through that season. A season that we couldn't even begin to imagine how we would deal with were it us, yet watching them put one foot in front of the other with a super-natural peace grew our own faith. We had no idea what words to say or how to comfort them, so we prayed...and we prayed...and we prayed, as a family we lifted them up to God in prayer and in tears. At the time our prayers were for their family and for God to be glorified through the Cheneys' lives. They were answered all over the globe by people who have been impacted by their story, by Archer's life.

But more personally, and something I hadn't even thought of specifically praying for at the time, God was glorified in our own home and in our very own son's heart through it.  A 6 year old connecting this scripture to something that happened over a year and a half ago, in context and applying it properly without me even asking the kids for an example of how this scripture applies to our lives proves to me without a doubt that God's Word is living and breathing life into us and transforming our hearts...The more of His word we get in there, the more transformation happens. AND, those who argue that God's Word is too complicated, boring or inapplicable to our modern culture obviously haven't cracked open their own bibles, because if God can speak to a 6 year old through His word and give him the wisdom and discernment to see God working in someone else's life because of it, we who are adults are without excuse.

May we all see the world through the eyes of a child, uncynical, trusting, faith-filled, innocent, compassionate eyes. God's eyes. Eyes that can see past the external and into the heart. May we see our circumstances and the circumstances in other's lives through these eyes as well and find comfort in His unchanging Word and unwavering nature. God is sovereign. No matter what we are going through...how lonely, ugly, horrific, beaten-down, broken, or confusing our life seems to be at any given time, He is close and He will save us if we place our trust in Him, just like our children do!

"Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God

like a little child will never enter it.” Mark 10:15

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:2-4

Love you, Allyson...Thanks for letting me share just a piece of God's amazing story in your life.

Allyson and River, this time last year.

Her words that day on being grateful.

8 key points I want to remember from WOF...

Women of faith this weekend was amazing. Great worship, teaching and fellowship...all the way around it was impacting. One thing that completely blew me away is that 4 of the speakers talked about things I had actually blogged about over the past week. Not knowing what any of the topics were before hand, it was definitely a confirmation that God is moving in my heart once again {as always} but very specifically right now.  So much was shared...so many stories {God's stories} were told, and so much practical advice was given.  Here are just a few things that I want to remember. Maybe I already knew them, but hearing them again reminded me of their importance/application in my life and I decided to pair the concepts with scripture even if scripture wasn't given in the speaker's example:

1) We each have a will that is much stronger than our emotions. You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 1 John 4:4 & No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

2) We need to stop asking, "Is it wrong," and start asking, "Is it wise," when it comes to our behavior choices.   “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. 1 Corinthians 10:23

3) When looking for a friend if someone looks like they have it all together, perfect marriage, perfect children, perfect house...Run as fast as you can in the other direction because they are not a safe friend. They will judge you to the measure at which they judge themselves...harshly. Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. Proverbs 26:12 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

4) Don't expect a friend to meet all of your needs or you will drain her resources and ultimately lose her. Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you. Proverbs 25:17

5) Shut your mouth, in Jesus name. Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Psalm 4:4  If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. Proverbs 18:13

6) We are all either coming out of a crisis, in the middle of a crisis or coming into one, so have grace for ourselves and others. Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13

7) Smile when you talk. People will pay attention and you'll be more likely to have success. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24  A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13

8) If someone gossips to you, they also gossip about you. A gossip betrays a confidence,
but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. Proverbs 11:13 A troublemaker plants seeds of strife;
gossip separates the best of friends. Proverbs 16:28

What were your favorites...the things you learned that you hope are planted deep in your heart and take root to produce fruit in your life? Do share, if you are feeling brave.

Come Into My World...

Another Amy Grant Song from WOF that I hadn't heard before that was so awesome...I have felt this before. I thank God that He came into my world and sent friends into my world who were brave enough to enter in...


Come into my world
Come crashing through the ceiling
And find the messy rooms, the scattered pearls
If you are brave enough then come into my world

Come into my world
So lovely from the outside
So dark in here the demons dance and twirl
And find their pleasure frightening this girl
If you are brave then come into my world

Cause I never saw the changes come
Or knew enough to run when this old house had come undone
And now I'm buried in the walls
And no one comes to call but you
Come into my world

Come into my world
I can not find the doorway
It's overgrown with vines that twist and curl
If you are brave then come into my world

Come into my world
There'll be no other invitation
Not another sound another word
Nothing more than you've already heard
Please be brave and come into my world

Cause I never saw the changes come
Or knew enough to run when this old house had come undone
And now I'm buried in the walls
And no one comes to call but you
Come into my world

Comparing milk...

Comparing cow’s milk with coconut milk: I created this for my own information, but was so startled by the results, I had to share. We love coconut milk! It is yummy! Seriously, not bleck like soy or rice. {in our opinion} A naturopath recently told me to get all commercial dairy our of the house. Not gonna happen, but we can make small changes here and there and this is a start. {for those who aren't allergic to coconut}

The benefits of switching to coconut milk are evident!

	1% cow’s milk	Naturally sweetened coconut milk
Calories	100	80
Calcium	30%	45%
Vitamin D	25%	25%
Vitamin A	10%	10%
B12	0mg	50%
Sodium	120mg	30mg
Cholesterol	15mg	0mg
Fat	2.5	5
Sugar	11g	6g
Iron	0 %	4%

Amy Grant's Find What You're Looking For...

Powerful Women of Faith Weekend...more to share later, but I had to share the lyrics to this amazing Amy Grant Song I'd never heard before. 

What would they find if they uncovered all my tracks
Of roads I’d snuck down in darkness and never turn back
Well they’d find what they’re looking for
Secrets and so much more
What would they find if they searched for a heart of gold
They’d find sacrifices of time and money never told
Yeah they’d find what they’re looking for
Kindness and so much more

Cause there’s so much good in the worst of us
So much bad in the best of us
It never makes sense for any of us
To criticize the rest of us
We’ll just find what we’re looking for
We’ll find it and so much more

What would I find if I turned back the time on your face
Could I piece together the memories that have made you this way
I might find what I’m looking for
Understanding and so much more

Cause there’s so much good in the worst of us
So much bad in the best of us
It never makes sense for any of us
To criticize the rest of us
We’ll just find what we’re looking for
We’ll find it and so much more

Haven’t we all learned the best life lessons
By falling and falling down hard
If we’re looking for somebody’s failures
We won’t have to look very far
Cause there’s so much good in the worst of us
So much bad in the best of us
It never makes sense for any of us
To criticize the rest of us
We’ll just find what we’re looking for
We’ll find it and so much more


What would they find if they uncovered all my tracks

Poor Princess Preslie's Puking Party Pallet...

Gotta capitalize on those Ps!  As we were leaving church last night, Pres puked all over the floor in the hallway. One of our friends promptly ran to get something to clean up. Now, that is a good man! Most men run in fear from puke. But not him. He didn't even blink, and I really appreciate being able to rush her to the car because of his act of kindness. So when it happened she was saying, "My choking, my choking." She says"my" for "I'm," so we just thought maybe she choked on her snack or something because she was acting fine. But, as soon as we walked through the gate in our yard, bleck on the ground...a huge mess with a very large piece of gum in the middle. So again, I just thought she must have been choking on the gum. Not so. We pulled her toddler bed mattress into our room beside my side of the bed where she continued to puke every 30 minutes all night long until 4:30 when she slept to 6:30. She isn't to the age where she is able to make it to the bathroom or even use a bowl, so every time she threw up, I had to change the bedding and clean her up. It was a long night. It will be a miracle, a true miracle if I don't catch this thing as much puke as I dealt with last night.  I am leaving in a few hours for OKC to go to Women of Faith with my mom, sister, future sister-in-law, her mom and my church sisters. I am praying that I stay well for it and that the kids and James are well while we are gone! 

Preslie is feeling much better now, playing and eating like normal, but she slept most of the day away on her mattress in the living room with her towel sheet and blanket.  Towels are much better at catching vomit and preventing leaking through to the sheets. I learned that pretty quickly last night after changing sheets several times. Isn't she so sweet with her little feverish rosy cheeks all snuggled up on her pallet?

I love Wednesdays...

Every Wednesday morning, I arrive at the OAC at 6 am with my sister and one or two other ladies to pop a Yoga For Weight Loss dvd in and start my "work day/morning" of the week. I get to meet new people and interact with the coolest group of people who come for walking and coffee almost every morning. I am so inspired by these amazing people who are almost all the same age as my grandparents, some of whom have health concerns or even use a walker, yet they make time to come exercise and have social time every day. I look at them and know that I have absolutely no excuse what-so-ever to not take care of my health. If they can have surgery one day and be back on that track a few days or a week later, I can get my tail outta bed and walk or work out every day!  They are hilarious too. I have had some side-splitting conversations with a few of my favorites. And, they love my kiddos, especially Preslie! There are a lot more younger faces coming lately too, so this place is really starting to hop and I have actually connected with a few people who don't go to our church but use our facility to work out every week or come to Tiny Town. It really is starting to feel like more of a community than a facility and I love being here. If a Wednesday morning is slow, I get to run upstairs and take a Zumba class too. They just page me if they need me. I actually got paged today for the first time to sell a membership. The system works.

Yes, I know that being a homemaker and teaching my kiddos is a full-time job and it IS my dream job (God always reminds me when I am having a moment), but this little break from the home and morning full of adult-interaction and being able to serve others is a refreshing and renewing time for me. Plus, James gets a chance to teach the kiddos on Wednesday mornings while I am here. He focuses more on the drill and practice stuff that I am not fond of and he enjoys. I think he has more of a competitive spirit than I do because he loves to see the kids get faster and faster at memory recall. It is like a game. He usually rewards them (if they have great behavior) with a trip to Leonardo's Discovery Warehouse or the library before coming to relieve me.

Wednesday is one of my favorite days of the week because we also have bible study in the evening and the first Wednesday of every month we have dinner together in the OAC dining room. I am telling you, it is crazy how quickly we felt like this place was our home...these people, our family. We were embraced with love and have already started to put down roots. Anytime I get to spend time with the people at Oakwood is a blessing.

We are in the middle of a study of Neil T. Anderson's Victory Over the Darkness with my Wednesday night ladies. It is all about discovering our identity in Christ. Tonight, we will cover chapter 8.  I could write post after post about how God has moved in my life over the past 9 weeks through this study, the Word, and the ladies in the group. But, it is one of those times where I feel like God wants my experience to remain intimate, to share some of what I am learning/how I am growing with the ladies in the group, but keep most of what he has done and is doing in my life as a treasure in my heart...between He and I. Hopefully, as with any good study, the fruit in my life will reflect the change in my heart and no words will be necessary.

It is funny, because I started out the study by stressing to the ladies the importance of "sharing our stories" because, ultimately OUR stories are HIS stories. We learn about God through His word and the evidence of His work in our lives and the lives of others. We can sometimes rob others of His amazing goodness when we withhold the life-changing work He has done in our lives. That doesn't, however, mean that we need to share every detail or even every encounter we have with Him. Just like we have intimate moments with our husbands that we wouldn't want to share because they are treasures and memories we want to protect, sharing some moments can actually diminish, dishonor, or de-value the experience. And so, while I do still strongly believe we should share as much of our "stories" as we feel comfortable, I want to acknowledge that sometimes it is not necessary or even beneficial.

There are two extremes on this topic when it comes to personality type. I have a blog...so obviously, I am a "sharer." Sometimes, I may share too much. At the other extreme there are the "never-sharers." They are afraid of ever revealing any of their experiences or emotions because they are "private people." It may be that they are afraid of the opinions of others or the unintended consequences of sharing. But, just like I have to keep my tongue in check, the non-sharers need to grab some courage and use their tongues every once in a while for the benefit of their sisters and brothers in Christ if nothing else.

I love how my mind just naturally flows from one topic to the next and the words just run right down through my finger tips. It is all related to Wednesdays, though, right? So there is a common theme.

Could I be my own best friend?

As I look back over the criteria I'd define a best friend as having or being, I have to ask myself if I could be my own best friend. Do I meet all of those criteria in anyone elses' life? I am always telling James when he gets lonely for a friend, "You have to be a friend to make a friend." I believe that is true. I know I meet some of those criteria in a few of my friends' lives. But I can't really think of anyone who would say that I meet all of them. We all fall short, even as friends, but when I am teaching my daughter who to choose to be her very closest friends I want her to set the bar high. I know there are people out there who will come close. They will disappoint her just like she will disappoint them sometimes, but if she can find one good friend who meets all of those criteria most of the time, she'll have a treasure. Many people never find even one...not even their spouse. That makes me so sad. It doesn't have to be that way. We have to be willing to give of ourselves and be that kind of friend to find that kind of friend, and I guess that is what I really want her to know.

She writes letters and draws pictures for her friends all the time. Most of the time she gets no response and it never seemed to bother her until lately. She asked me the other day, "Mom, why don't many of my friends write me back or draw pictures for me too?" And, then I asked her if she drew or wrote just to get a something in return. She said, "No." So, I just told her that she is a giver...God has given her the gift of encouragement and she loves to brighten people's days with little notes or drawings. I encouraged her to not expect anything in return and to start looking for ways her friends show her that they care because they might have a totally different way of showing their love. The whole Five Love Languages thing. Maybe we should go over the one for kids together.

I know I could just try to tell her how to play the catty girlfriend games if I picked up a teen magazine or something for a reference, but I am teaching her to be a godly young woman, and I want her to be a strong godly woman, not just a popular girl with good social skills and lots of friends.

I don't know how to be a girly girl or maneuver through girl relationships. I never knew how to play the stupid girl games with all the drama and gossip either, so I just chose to be friends with mostly boys. It made life a lot easier. Thankfully, I was blessed to have an amazing best friend all through jr high and high school. I'd have to admit that neither of us met half of that criteria for each other, but we'd have taken a bullet for one another. She is in love with Jesus now too and our lives both look drastically different than they did. She is my kids' pediatrician now too. {perk!} We aren't as close as we used to be at all, but if we could make more time for one another I bet we'd relate more on the level that I am talking about. Godly friendships just do.

Rambling now...this whole girl friendship thing has really gotten me thinking, obviously. I do have THREE girls to train here. With the Lord and their Daddy's help, maybe we can start a revolution with our girls...3 girls who meet that criteria in their friends lives. wouldn't that be something?!

Mom, how do I know who my best friend is?

How do I answer that question? Grade school aged kids throw the "best friend" title around pretty freely. They are best friends with every one of their friends at first and then they reach an age where their friends start to hurt them, disappoint them, gossip about them or make them feel uncomfortable in a group. It happens to all of us and we all do it. We are human and some of us are girls. That means we hurt our friends, disappoint them and even make them feel uncomfortable or gossip at times. And so, the question remains, if this is true about girls, how do we know who are our best friends are? Is it based on the extent to which we feel like they do those things? Those who make us feel the most comfortable and we have the most fun with/least conflict with...Are those are our best friends?

Shelby was specifically asking me about gossip because she had been hurt in a friend situation where gossip was going on. We had a long talk about what gossip is and how when someone says something about you, you shouldn't automatically disregard it, or get mad at the person who said it, especially if it is a friend, because there is probably some truth to it...at least a little...even if it hurts to hear.

So, step one, I told her, is to examine yourself to see if what was said about you held any merit. So she did, and she decided that, yes, it in fact was true at times. So I asked her what she thought she should do about it, if anything. She decided to try to change the behavior and write an apology to her friend, because even if it wasn't said directly to her, and she was hurt by it, she valued her friendship so much that she wanted to apologize for coming across that way. I didn't coax her to make that decision, she just did. And, I am proud of her, because even though she was hurt by the words said behind her back, she chose to examine her own heart and humble herself. Instead of letting it drive a wedge in the friendship or pulling away from her friend. She took the initiative upon herself to mend a rift that the other girl may not even know was there. It may not be accepted in the way she hopes because what she wants to do is counter-cultural, and almost unheard of among girls, but I urge her to follow what she feels led to do, whether other girls would handle it the same way or not.

We went on to talk about gossip and she said to me, "Mom, WE don't gossip about people." To which I said something like, "Yes, we sometimes do. We shouldn't and we try not to, and when we talk about others we are usually trying to find a way to help them, but we are imperfect and we DO gossip sometimes...And YES, gossip is sin, it is harmful and hurtful and we should apologize or own up to it when we do it and ask God's forgiveness too because it makes Him sad when we do hurt one another or change someone's opinion about another person."

And, I also told her that just because someone gossiped about her one time in a situation where she admits there was some truth to what she was saying does not mean she can make the "best friend" decision based on it. Plus, why does she even need to have a "best" friend? Why do we feel the need to quantify every relationship in our lives even at 9 years old?

And so the conversation went and it is ongoing about what to look for in your very closest friends. You can be surface level friends with lots of people (acquaintances), but you should really only have a few in your inner circle. Proverb 18:24 says, "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."  That particular scripture was brought up in the book I am reading for bible study and he went on to talk about how Jesus himself had 12 good friends, His disciples, and really only 3 in His inner circle, and you can bet they were chosen wisely. Peter, James sand John were his 3.

So still, how do we choose? As we continue the conversation, I have been thinking about it a lot because I want to give her sound advice. Here is what I have come up with so far, that at least for me, defines an inner circle or really close friend:

Someone who shows you unconditional love, is loyal to you, honest with you, and makes you want to be a better person. Someone who when you are around them you like yourself better because they challenge you and bring out your best qualities. Someone who will never give up on you when you have hard times, but press in rather than turning away...Someone who would try their hardest to never do something to make you stumble or tempt you to so something that was wrong. There really are very few people who meet these criteria and at 9 she won't be able to understand how to recognize these qualities, but I want to help her develop wisdom in this area because it is hard being a girl...at 9 or at 38, it is H.A.R.D. sometimes, especially when it comes to friends. (Friends and hormones...)

3-way birthday 2011...

The kids had an awesome time with their new friends at their party last night! My parents, brother and sister and almost sister-in-law and James' Mom all came to the party and were swiftly put to work.  I thought it was going to pretty much run itself, but it actually took a lot more work than we anticipated. It was worth it, though!

My Mom and Kristin helped the older girls decorate cake pops. She had already baked the pops in her Baby Cakes baker, so it was a matter of dipping and rolling. I think they enjoyed it.

Dodgeball in the racquetball court was a little too intense for the girls who watched from the window, venturing in a few times and promptly running out screaming.

We had a lot of people for the Pinata breaking...Not even half got a turn before it was broken.

James and Kyle did an awesome instructional demonstration. Wish I had it on video!

The younger kids loved the Tiny Town toys, especially the toddler roller coaster. Our good friends, the Andersons who not live in Georgia had one of these and we new we had to get one for Tiny Town. It is an amazing gift for a toddler if someone has the space for it. We do not, but the church does!

I didn't get any bounce house, dinner, cupcake or cookie cake pics and missed half the family and friends with the camera because I was running around like a crazy woman. I had not eaten lunch (we had pizza at "welcome to Oakwood" so I could only have the topping off one piece and then I forgot to get something else to eat. Then, I had a triple grande latte instead, (thank you Jeka). So, I was a little scattered and I kept forgetting my camera. Hopefully the kiddos will remember it so well they won't need pictures. We had a lot of fun, but I can tell you one thing, next year will be a little more low key, or I will have to figure out how to really throw a party without running around like a chicken with its head cut off before then. No, really, we have already decided that we will only do the 3-way party thing every 3  years or so and Preslie will need to be included as a half birthday. ; )

We are so thankful for all who made it a priority to come. It meant so much to our family. AND, the recycled gifts were amazing! Creative, generous and green!
{down with consumerism! just doing our part. ; ) }
Although, there is one particular parrot who might get recycled again very soon if it doesn't remain upstairs...(Bergdalls, you are sick!) and one extra complicated marble thing that the kids have been playing with alllllllll morning and the dog is trying to eat the marbles

 that may have to be a special occasion toy. Ok...going to nap now.

fall party planning...

I know I have already posted this pic, but I love it and I have no glorious party decorations to post.

Tomorrow is the three oldest kids' three-way birthday party.  Maybe someday, I will be the party-spectacular mom who has a huge theme and elaborate decorations, but that isn't my gift and I can't afford to hire it out, so as complicated as having a party for 3 kids at once sounds, it seems a whole lot less complicated than trying to host 3 separate parties on 3 separate days all within weeks of one another.  I don't try to decorate cakes anymore...any of my old friends can tell you why. So, Jesse picked out a cookie cake and Lucy picked out cupcakes at WalMart for their treats. Shelby's is kind of elaborate because my Mom made cake balls for her and her friends to decorate.

As for the party, we'll set up Tiny Town in the OAC which is essentially a bounce house and lots of kids ride-on and play toys, Jesse can play dodgeball in one of the racquetball courts or other boyish things and he and Shelby can share equal time with Just Dance or other Wii games in the theater room, before hot dogs and cake-pops/other treats.  Shelby, Jesse and Lucy each invited all of the kids from their Sunday school classes along with their families. We really have no idea what to expect as far as number, so I may have over-bought hot dogs, but they freeze well, right?! We have some family coming into town too and wish some of our out-of-town friends could have made it, but we gave them really late notice. Not nice of me at all!

Shelby's actual 9th birthday was October 9, Lucy's 4th will be November 13 and Jesse's 7th will be November 19th. We did this once before when we lived in Kansas and it was so much fun. That time we did it on Halloween and all went trick-or-treating. We also allowed only used/recycled gifts. We have the same rule this year. We are trying to be as "green" as possible and really just want to get a bunch of people together to have a good time.  Who needs gifts? The gift of friendship is enough!

speak truth...

I found this picture on pinterest.com and I love it.

Truth is one of our highest values as a family. Discovering truth, wrestling with truths until they take root, revealing truth and speaking truth are all just a part of who we are as a family. Many people may put off by our honesty or feel threatened by it since we live in a world where everyone is politically correct and tells each other just what we want to hear so as to gain approval and acceptance for ourselves. That just isn't us. We will speak the truth no matter what.  We have a bumper sticker on our fridge that is a quote from George Orwell saying, "In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."  Tis true.  Did we not say that we were going to change the world?

Truth is all a part of that revolution.

Over the years, God has humbled us and taught us so much about how we should speak the truth. We still have a lot to learn, but we used to just speak it without much thought as to our approach or tone. We sometimes still do, and then feel regret because our hearts' motives are pure, but the way it comes out of our mouths may not always sound loving. Love. Without words seasoned with love the truth may not be heard. That's why God gives us instructions on how to speak the truth in love and tells us the importance of doing so in Ephesians 4:11-20:

"Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord,

measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ.

 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

 With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.

                                                But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. "

The emphasis on the bolded parts are mine. They aren't bolded in the bible. I just feel like it is part of our (Mine and James') "special work" to help our brothers and sisters grow in Christ. It isn't a part we would have necessarily chosen because it is at times a rather uncomfortable part. We also acknowledge that we are not perfect...we fall way short ourselves sometimes in different areas, so we do not ever want to sound pious or like we think we have it all together. Just as we speak truth, we receive truth from others in our lives when we miss the mark. (and appreciate it.) It actually bothers me when I am out of line and a friend tries to give me justification for my own wrong behavior by making excuses for me. If I am out of line, tell me, I will respect you more for it and know that you have my best interests at heart.

Honestly, speaking the truth is so much more challenging for me than receiving it most of the time. We aren't the crazy party favorites that we used to be in college or the ones people call when they want someone to feel sorry for them. We feel lonely at times too because when we feel the need to speak an uncomfortable truth to a Christian brother or sister, we do not know how it will be received or whether or not they will "wall us" or turn around and gossip about us because we have brought something to light in their lives that they didn't want to see.

So, sometimes, inside our voices are shaking, but we are so compelled by the Holy Spirit to speak the truth that we do it, out of obedience to Him.

The scriptures are clear on our responsibility to one another to speak truth...We can't ignore them. Here are just a few of many:

Proverbs 27:17 says, "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Galatians 6:1 says, "Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself."

2 Timothy 2:24-25, "The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged. With gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, And they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will."

Ephesians 4:25 "Therefore, rejecting all falsity and being done now with it, let everyone express the truth with his neighbor, for we are all parts of one body and members one of another."

I pray that we will be more sanctified each and every day, growing to look more and more like Christ. I know full well that He will use mostly experiences to mold us, but He will also use the words of trusted friends, even words that are hard to hear. And, I welcome them.

Wounds from friend can be trusted. Proverbs 27:6

Halloween 2011...lots of pics...