After 14 years of marriage, we know each other like no one else on earth. The only one who knows us better is God Himself. I can read my man like a book. With every expression, I can tell you the thought that is probably behind it. His body language reveals everything about his mood, his day. Others may try to make assumptions about what's going on with him, but I know him...and not always, but usually, I can tell what is going on inside that big handsome head of his.
And this didn't just happen naturally, mind you. We actually talk to one another, do marriage studies together, ask each other intimate questions and answer with complete honesty and pray together. We spend more time talking to one another than watching television or any other activity that could threaten to divide our attention. However, some of our deepest conversations occur while I am on pinterest and he is looking at classic cars on the internet, so it's not like we aren't human beings with interests beyond one another. He is the most talented man I know and has so many interests I can't even count them, from ministry to wrestling, playing guitar to classic cars, OSU football to the Twilight Zone, painting and sketching to trying to be Mr Handy Man around this old house. I have a few of my own too...but still, he trumps them all.
I was just thinking the other night as we were trying to fall asleep about how some of the quirky little individual things that we each did as newlyweds and loved because we adored every little thing about each other, quickly became annoyances for the longest time, but now we love them again...and that is a good place to be. I like to rub his earlobe until I fall asleep sometimes, and he likes to kick his feet to help himself fall asleep. Imagine how annoying either of those things can be after a while. But, I found comfort in it the other night when I realized that we were simultaneously rubbing and kicking to fall asleep and neither of us were annoyed.
We had watched a Christian movie called Marriage Retreat and all of the things they were fighting about seemed so ridiculous to us after overcoming all that we have, but we remembered feeling that way at the time...just a few years in. For us year marker 2 through 3 were the most difficult. We all walk into marriage with expectations that we don't even know we have until they aren't met. It is right around year 2 when all of those unmet expectations can creep up on you and scream in your ear, "This is not what you signed up for!!!! You don't deserve this!!! You deserve so much better." All those unmet expectations tapping you on the shoulder to remind you of your rights are not valid, true or helpful. They are not unifying for your marriage and truthfully, all they are are a bunch of satan's lies to try to divide and conquer. He is good at it. He's had a lot of practice. At least half of us get divorced, so he's doing something right and we are believing all of the lies...the lies that almost always can be traced back to unmet expectations or discontent.
My mom and I were talking about marriage vows last night and how it seems like people really don't pay any attention at all to what they are saying when they say, "I will forsake all others and be faithful to you , For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health..." It's almost like they need to be more specific, much much more specific, like:
"I will never again look upon another person or allow my mind to think of another person with lust in my heart, let alone act on it, I will guard my eyes so that I never see another naked body besides yours or our children's {when they arrive and need a diaper change,} for the rest of my life {unless I am a doctor and I have to see naked bodies}.
I will stay with you whenever I adore your pretty little face or when I want to rip it off with my fingernails, whether we live in a one-room apartment or a mansion, whether you become a Paraplegic or marathon runner, In times when we have one piece of bread in the cabinet or the pantry is overflowing, when you are puking and I have to clean up the mess or when I come home to a spotless house, Whether you snore very loudly or sleep like a baby, whether you are fat or thin, hairy or hairless, whether we can have children or not...We are in this thing for the long haul. We will never ever give up and never ever say the "D" word. And, we will grow together and learn everything about one another and commit to always putting our marriage before every other relationship, hobby, or interest, except for God who will be the Head of this house and this marriage. We understand that marriage is
work and it is hard sometimes and even though we can't imagine that right now because we are so madly in love we even still laugh when each other has gas, we have been told and there are lots of scriptures in the Bible that talk about how a marriage should look, so there must be some truth to this
work thing. No matter how hard it gets, we will stay and not only stay, but work together to make it
beautiful...Because God created marriage and everything He creates is
beautiful.
If people had to say all of that, do you think they might think twice before jumping into marriage or at least take their commitment more seriously?
Marriage is beautiful...even in the weird and quirky earlobe rubbing and leg kicking to fall asleep there is beauty. Most of it is glorious. {well at least 3/4 of it} The rest of it is hard, but we can do the hard things, right?
