The love of a Noni...

When Shelby arrived on the scene, we were all in heaven just watching her every move. She was the miracle baby we were told we'd never have on our own and we thought she would probably be the one and only. It was very apparent from the beginning that my Mom was blown away by the love she felt for her first grandchild. She could never imagine loving another human being as much as she did her own kids, yet she did. It was a different love, but just as intense. When Shelby named her "Noni" the delight she felt in carrying this new name was written all over her face. I can still see the pride in her eyes when she shares with a stranger that her grandkids call her, "Noni." She loves her grandbabies and she loves being a "Noni."

When a new grandchild arrives, Nonis and Papas wonder {just like parents do} will I love this new one as much as I do the first one? How can it be possible? Yet, they do, just like we do. And the intensity of that love grows the more time they spend with their grandchildren. Watching my Mom fall in love with each of my children over time gives me so much pleasure.  She always loves the newborn stage when she can just rock and rock them for hours. Then, they go through the separation anxiety stage where they aren't sure they want to go to Noni and she usually distances herself from them during this time a little, probably out of protection for her own heart and also just not wanting to make them cry. She'll give them to Papa because all babies love Papa and he has the magical touch. But then comes the toddler stage where they adore her and start calling her by that special name. "Noni, Noni, Noni!" When she hears that, she melts and falls madly in love with them. Right now both of the littles go completely crazy when she and Papa arrive and they can't get enough of them. Although, it does crack me up how bossy {and sometimes sassy}Lucy is to Noni, because Shelby and Jesse never were.

As they are getting older, I can see how she enjoys each one of them individually and appreciates their differences. She is an amazing Noni and an amazing Mom. I am so grateful that she is such a huge part of our lives. Sometimes I wish she still lived just down the road like she did in Arizona, but she is back in Oklahoma too now, only 3 hours away, and we can see her almost whenever we want!

Preslie's big girl bed and a tiny wall makeover...

We took down the crib last night...a probable final farewell to babyhood in the Lichtenberger household. Jenn gave us her girls' toddler beds when we first moved here {such a blessing} and until now, one has been in the guest room. For the past several weeks, Miss P has been climbing into bed with Lucy and pulling the covers up to her chin while I read them a story and making it clear that she does not want to go to her crib.  Last week, when we were staying with Jenn in Kansas she figured out how to climb out of her pack and play and it was quite a fun little game for that stinky little monkey. So, I figured it was only a matter of time before she started climbing out of the crib and we probably ought to move her before she fell out on to the hard wood floor.

I love how sweet their little beds are. I pushed them together so they can snuggle if they want. All of my kiddos have had a chance to snuggle a sibling for a while. When Jesse was 2 and moved up, we pushed two twins together and he and Shelby basically had a king sized bed to share for several months before separating them. Then, in Arizona, Lucy got to share those twin beds with Shelby, remember this? So sweet...something I missed out on since I was an only child until I was 12. When the twins were born, I'd go and get Jeka out of her crib and bring her to sleep with me in my bed.  I may have done it with Matt too sometimes, but I remember him being a fussy baby that we were always careful not to wake up, so it was probably rarer to risk bringing him to bed with me.

As for the wall of needlepoint hoop glory, I happened to have a ton of these rings that I found at the Hope thrift store a while back and I was trying to figure what to do with them. So, I saw this idea on pinterest, and had to use it.  I am not satisfied with my fabric choices, but Hobby Lobby is really limited on cute fabrics, so I shall have to make a trip to the city or order some online that I like better. Still, my impatience required that I had to go ahead and do it and get it up there and I can swap the fabrics out later.

Preslie found another use for the rings.  She and Lucy kept calling them hu-du-hoops.

Let the snuggling commence!!

After only two reminders to get back into her bed and stay there, Miss P slept quite nicely next to her big sister in her big girl bed.  Sleeping babies are the best, no matter how old they are!

if delight, if love were my first response...

I definitely needed to read this tonight.  I really do want to love my kids and James with all I have. That self-sacrificing, serving kind of love that only comes from the Spirit. Ann's post struck me so hard tonight because after a long day at the waterpark, saying goodbye to our close friends who have been here since Sunday and a long night rearranging the kids' room for Preslie's new toddler bed, Shelby actually asked me for a foot massage when I tucked her in.

I sighed and said, "I am just so tired..." She said, "Please, mom, just a quick one?" Then I looked down and she had the special foot massage lotion I use on the kids feet sitting there ready for me.  I may have even rolled my eyes at the thought of doing even one more thing for another human being today. I'm pretty sure I did. Then, I agreed to do it, but only for the length of time it took me to sing her song to her.

Each of the kids have their own special "tuck in song" and if I am the one tucking in, after reading to them, I move from bed to bed singing each kiddo's song while they all usually sing along, and I rub the hair out of their beautiful angel faces. About half the time I do this, I take my time, sing their songs all the way through 2 or 3 times each and enjoy this ritual. The other half, I rush through it, and I can always see in their eyes that they know I am not delighting in them...that my nightly chores or something else is pulling me away from them. They do not have my full attention or affection.

I saw it in Shelby's eyes tonight that she knew I wasn't delighting in rubbing her feet. Those precious almost 9 year old feet that I remember staring at, nibbling on and tickling when she was a baby, were just getting a token foot rub this time. Those toes that I was told I'd never get to nibble on because I would never have children of my own were actually in my hands and all I could think about was getting outta there, getting showered and falling into bed. Admitting that makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide my face from the world that no one would have to look upon me with the disgust I deserve.

Why? Why wasn't my first reaction, "Yes, I'd love to, baby." Why isn't my first reaction love. I know how it feels when love is my first reaction and I am blessed to know the feeling of truly delighting in my children...So, when I do choose selfishness I feel and know full well what I am missing out on. Yet, I still do choose myself sometimes. Too many times. I despise those times like this one when I feel irritation at the things I should delight in. It makes me feel rotten...selfish...unloving and unlovable. Without Him I am. And busyness edges Him out if I am not careful. That is why self-discipline, rest and lots of time in the Word and in prayer are not only helpful, but essential...vital for me. Vital. Without Him, my heart beats only for myself...

me spontaneous, i think so...and it was so worth it.

I am a planner, we all know that. I do very few things on a whim. When I say very few, I mean like historically, once or twice a year I might get a wild hair and forget my calendar, and throw my schedule out the window {for a few hours or something}...The only spur of the moment things I ever do are offer to babysit for friends or invite people to come stay with me for long periods of time. Spontaneous is not a word my friends would use to describe me. Maybe my high school and college friends, but I have changed so much since then that I don't even recognize the old me. But, this weekend, I brought that part of me back and it felt good. Em is in Kansas for the summer and her bff Jami threw her a 30th b-day bash that I just couldn't miss.  I miss Emily so much since she moved to Orlando and I moved to Arizona and back to Oklahoma. She was going to come here to stay with me for a few days this week, but with the humidity and lack of water play for kids around here I thought we and our collective 9 children might get a little bored stuck in my tiny house with an overworked air conditioner. So we stayed there and made sure to get ourselves and our childrens together as much as we could and, of course, my ultra-spontaneous, laid-back Jenn accommodated us in her usual hospitable manner. At the impromptu birthday party we threw for Makenna there were all 12 of our kids plus Jenn's niece and nephew there all day. Quite a full house! And, once again, it was worth it.

Jami's parents' home was an absolutely beautiful setting for Em's party and Chelsea was in charge of decorating. She is so creative, like a hip Martha Stewart, I swear. Dinner, dancing, lots of laughs and a few pool jumpers made for such a fun night! See more pics here and here and here. Still waiting for Lizz's pics and I will add more b/c I want to remember the all of the sweetness and hilarity of the night.

Sweet little pixie Kenna...She was so surprised that we had her cousin Haley come over and give her and her friends make-overs for her 5th birthday. She had been asking over and over what they were going to do for her birthday and then when her Mommy surprised her with a full-out party she was actually a little shy about it. Very sweet. I love that girl.

The girls were in h-e-a-v-e-n, getting their make-overs. Oh my goodness, we were a little shocked to see our babies all dolled up. It was kind of a preview of what we have to look forward to...trouble.

I hope these beautiful children created memories and friendships that will transcend the miles just like the ones their Mommas have. That will mean many more spontaneous {or well-planned} trips to see one another. We could dig Orlando. I am sure of it...at the right time of year!

All of this bliss and chaos is so worth the exhaustion all of our kiddos are feeling today.  So blessed.

pink eye epidemic...

Whenever my kids come within fifty feet of someone with pink eye they tend to get it. At least once a year we have an outbreak. A few weeks ago was the 2011 outbreak. Hopefully, the only 2011 outbreak.  Actually, only Shelby and Jesse got it at the time, but we all used the drops in anticipation of catching it because we were traveling to Noni and Papas and didn't want to infect them.  My mom is having some issues with a detached retina and I thought that was probably the last thing she needed, an eye infection. Yesterday, Lucy's eyes were red...hopefully it is just allergies, but we started her on the drops just in case.  I know this isn't exciting news, but it is our family scrapbook...the only one we have, so it must be documented. : ) And, I love these sweet pics of Shelby and Preslie so much, even if Shelb's eyes are big, red and swollen.

4 kids sharing the same room, what?

{I love this family pic Shelby drew recently...Wonder how an art therapist would analyze it with Jesse and Lucy holding hands, me looking at James and Lucy looking at Preslie, James holding the dog leash, Shelby with her hands planted on her hips and Preslie throwing up a peace sign...}

Most nights after we tuck the kids in, we can hear them chattering on the monitor for 15 minutes or so. I love to hear them giggling and talking about about all kinds of kid stuff...stuff we grown-ups never take the time to think about any more. Usually after several moments of chatter, we will hear them say their good nights to one another and it always reminds me of the Waltons. I almost expect to hear one of them say,"Good night, John Boy." Sometimes it does get a little ugly, I have to admit, with a few, "GO TO SLEEP, Preslie and Lucy"s! But, for the most part, there is love in their little voices.

They are still all sharing one room (and no one is really anxious to move out).  Many of my friends and family think this is so crazy. I mean, we live in America, don't we? So shouldn't each of our children get their own room, a little space that is only theirs, where they can get away from the family if they need privacy, put a sign on the door that says, "boys or girls only..." Isn't that just the right thing to do for our kids, because everyone else does it that way?

Several years ago a family who we consider mentors shared with us a revolutionary concept. Shouldn't be, but it is. Our friends said to us, (and I am paraphrasing b/c it was a long time ago) "We have always had our kid share a room with at least one sibling because it prepares them for a lifetime of sharing a room with someone...with guidance, sharing a room teaches them to share, respect each others space and belongs, work out differences, compromise, communicate with and confide in one another, learn to work as a team, and bond in a special way.  When they go away to college, they will have a roommate, and when they get married they will have a permanent roommate. Allowing them to have their own room where they can shut everyone out and spend a lot of time alone does not prepare them for real life or teach them important relationship skills." There was so much wisdom in what they said and after talking to their kids and getting their perspectives about it, I know that they were right. I have never met a group of siblings who have such a deep sense of family pride, loyalty and love for one another.

I am not saying that our kids will never ever have their own room. Chances are, Jesse will have his own room at some point because he is a boy and he might not want to room with girls as he gets older. Plus, Shelby really wants to fancy the girls' room up at some point. But, they really don't spend much time in there except to sleep anyway and for now I love that they love being in the same room and that they are so close with one another. They need one another. There is something so special about the sibling bond and I want to do everything I can to protect and nurture it in my kiddos. I even encourage them to keep each other's secrets and maintain loyalty by not tattling on each other unless one of them has done something to harm himself or others. (but that is a topic for another post.)

So anyway, I hope I always remember the nightly noise on the monitor as it fades...as they grow older and the chatter turns to whispers and the monitor goes away because there are no babies up there any more... "Good night, Shelby, Good night, Jesse, Good night, Lucy, Good night, Preslie...GO TO SLEEP, Lou Lou!"

Does artwork count as embracing the camera if the drawing includes you? I think so. If not, here is another pic of me with my oldest and youngest on the 4th. We were trying to comfort Miss P because the fireworks were stressing her out.

The Hair of Lucy Lichtenberger...

Lucy is famous for her hair. We cannot go anywhere in public without being stopped and asked about her bouncy spiral curly hair. She has a love hate relationship with that hair, though. You see, she has friends who won't even sit next to her at the dinner table because they are afraid of her hair (Kenna), and she prefers it curly to straight, but brushing the tangles out after a bath is torture for her...{ask the neighbors, b/c I am sure they can hear her blood curdling screams.} She loves wearing it down in all of it's afro glory with only a clip, not a pony, but that creates tangles especially in this humidity, and so the roller coaster ride of managing her hair continues.

We were so excited to find the book The Hair of Zoe Fleefenbacher Goes to School at the library last month.  Zoe's crazy hair has a life of its own, not unlike the hair of Lucy Lichtenberger, and she learns to embrace its benefits through a series of hilarious events.  The illustrations are AMAZING and Lucy has fallen in love with this book.  So glad to have found a book that speaks to my baby's heart and the part of her that wonders if her hair is a blessing or a curse.  I love children's lit.

The terrific twos...are we really born good?

I know, I know, there have been a lot of Miss P pictures lately. That is because we had only her for 4 days while the bigs were at Noni and Papa's. I'll pull the camera out for the rest of them some more soon. In the mean time I had to document this new stage we have entered into with the Pres-meister. She has a reputation of being very reserved and slow-to-warm-up to new people. Many times the people in the nursery at church tell us that she played quietly by herself the whole time or just sat on one of their laps most of the time while she was in there, all the while looking at everyone with her serious yet suspicious look she has perfected.  Yet, since her second birthday last month she has really come out of her shell, having entire conversations with people in a foreign baby language only she can understand. every once in a while she will say an entire sentence so clearly that we all stop to look at her to make sure it really came out of her mouth.  She has really gotten into dancing, teasing, and entertaining. If she can get a laugh, she'll do just about anything. Mostly, she is a parrot, mimicking everything she hears any of us say, especially Lucy. It is hard to have a conversation with Lucy when Preslie is around b/c she repeats everything Lucy says and it makes it difficult to concentrate.

And, it looks like she is going to take Lucy's job of humbling us to the next level.  When  we dropped her off in the nursery this Sunday, she actually slapped the sweet lady who took her from me. Talk about humiliating! I am okay with handing over a screaming child after having done it with 4 at some point or another, but handing over a screaming child who slaps the darling innocent lady who just wants to love on her...horrifying.

Jessica and I were talking about how we learned in all of our psychology classes that babies are born good and shaped into who they are by their environment and how any observer of human nature could argue against this theory. While, I would never argue that our environment shapes us, I can tell you for sure after having 4 babies of my own, that they are not {in fact} born perfectly good...Of course, they are innocent, sweet, beautiful, and fully dependent on their caregivers, but they are also selfish by their very nature and you don't have to teach them to scream and cry, hit, bite, or defend themselves. They are born with these instincts. It is our job as parents to help them to refine these instincts and behave appropriately, but don't try to tell me that children do not have selfishness in their hearts from the very beginning.

We are born into a fallen world and because of that fall, we are broken. Hopefully we are born into homes where we spend a lifetime being put back together, with parents who love us and love God and are committed to restoring us to wholeness...goodness.

And if we aren't, we still spend a lifetime trying to fix our brokenness, fill our holes of emptiness with something, anything that will make us feel whole...money, status, relationships, beauty, comfort, drugs, alcohol, hobbies... 

It is only in Him that we can be restored to wholeness, it it isn't a matter of "trying," it is a matter of letting go and trusting.

When we come face to face with God...

Simon Peter and his buddies had been fishing all night without even one catch when Jesus showed up on the scene and told them to cast out their nets one more time. Peter had his doubts, but he told Jesus he'd do it because he asked him to. When he pulled those heavy nets up watching them break with the weight of the fish they'd caught, he was keenly aware  that he was in the presence of Greatness, face to face with God.

At that moment, "he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!”  In response, Jesus said to Peter, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” Luke 5:8-10

Isaiah had a similar experience when he came face to face with the Glory of God. In that moment, he said, “Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.” and in response, God tells him his sins are atoned for and asks Isaiah, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And, God commissions Isaiah to go forth and give the people an important message from Himself.

When I was listening to my NIV cds the other morning while I folded laundry, it struck me that I don't think it is a coincidence that both of these men were commissioned by God immediately after their acknowledgement of their own sinful nature. Until we truly come face to face with God we might have a hard time admitting that we are sinful because we play the comparison game. As long as we can say that we are nice people who generally do the right thing and haven't murdered anyone, we can tend to feel like we are "good people." But once we truly see Him and discover who He is through His Word and the Holy Spirit revealing the truth to us in our hearts, the comparisons stop and it is only Him and us...and we are humbled to the point of wanting to hide our faces in shame or run as fast as we can in the other direction because something inside of us knows that we aren't worthy of the love, the grace and mercy He offers us. We aren't worthy of being called His children. Yet, it is in that moment that He lifts our chin and shows us Grace and commissions us to live our lives for Him. So beautiful that Grace...

Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear and Grace my fears relieved...How precious did that Grace appear, the hour I first believed.

Have you met God face to face? If you have never felt that conviction...your sinfulness as compared to His holiness and His overwhelming grace and love for you despite your shortcomings...You need to ask yourself if you have truly met Jesus. If you think you have met Him, yet you walked away unchanged, it may not have been Him you met at all. You may have grown up in church your whole life, and still not met Him. Your idea of who He is may be all wrong if you have never felt your need for forgiveness and His loving grace. Get to know Him, and do it now, He's right there...knocking on the door to your heart.

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. Revelation 3:20

tile floor phobia?

This week we discovered that Miss Preslie has an intense fear of shiny tile floors. She has always ridden in the cart, so I don't know if she has ever walked on this kind of floor before, but this week she had us all to herself with bro and sisses at Noni and Papas, so she had a little more freedom. On Wednesday, we were at Sears buying some flat screens for the OAC and Preslie was running around electronics like a crazed maniac, so excited to be out of the cart. At first, I thought her flip flops were hurting her feet, but then I noticed that she'd run on the carpet and as soon as she came to the tile, she'd freeze, point to it and shake her head before shuffling her feet in the tiniest baby steps I have ever seen to try to walk on it. I wondered if she thought it was wet and was afraid she'd slip and fall. Had that happened to her before without us knowing? Was this a healthy fear in response to a bad experience, or some weird phobia? It was the strangest thing, but I just forgot about it, until...



I took her to Hobby Lobby with me yesterday to get some more decor for the OAC and she did it again. She'd freeze when I sat her down to walk and cling to whatever was behind her, holding on as she shuffled her little feet to the side to walk across it. Then she'd just reach her little arms up for me to hold her, overcome by her fear. It was so sad. I decided to forget what I was there for and teach her that she could walk on this floor without fear. I held her hand and we walked together, slowly...ever so slowly at first, and then by the time we made it to the front she had over come that stinkin' fear and was walking like the confident little 2 year old she is. Victory!

addicted to nesting dolls...

I am so in love with nesting dolls right now and I was particularly excited to find these babies since all of our measuring cups are unreadable. I just kind of had to guess which one was 1/2 cup, 3/4 cup and so on and since we all know how spatially challenged I am, I have failed on more than one occasion to measure my ingredients correctly. These measuring cups are super cute and super functional...and a one time purchase because the measurements are raised on each one instead of painted on. They will never wear off. Love 'em!

I should be on an infomercial, huh?

I wish I could have some nesting dolls custom made with my kids' faces on them. That would be cute, right? Or would it be creepy?

Be ashamed to die until...

Be Ashamed to Die Until You Have Won Some Victory for Humanity. - Horace Mann

Why are some of us born with that kind of passion and drive and others, well, not so much? When I heard this quote, it resonated with my spirit so much that I wanted to get it tattooed around my wrist. Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted to make a difference in my world...make an impact...leave my mark...and leave this world a little better in the dust of the path I blazed. The fire I feel in my heart is not something I put there myself. Sometimes, I wish I could just be content to hang out and enjoy life without a care...without thinking and feeling so much. But that fire, that drive is simply who I am. I was born with it, but before I gave my life to Christ I channelled that fire in all the wrong directions.

It is hard to contain fire and if you don't put up boundaries to keep it in the right places, it will destroy everything around it. Even just the smoke from the flames can cause damage if it isn't contained and channelled upward. Think about your fireplace...when the fire is contained and channelled upward it warms everyone in the house without harming them.

So it is with passion...when it is contained and channelled in the right direction,

it warms everyone around you without harming them. 

I will be ashamed to die before I have won some victory for humanity...

but let me win it through Christ. May my fire always be channelled upward toward Him.

Hold my hand, or I'm gonna have to carry you...

A parking lot is just about the most dangerous place a toddler can wander into. Their excitement about being able to walk on their own coupled with their undeveloped sense of awareness of the consequences of their actions is a recipe for disaster if they don't have someone there to protect them. So, we parents often say to our little ones, "Hold my hand in the parking lot, or I am gonna have to carry you." {How many times have I said that phrase in the past 8 years?}

And, if they refuse to hold our hand, we scoop them up and carry them.We don't get angry with them if we have to carry them because it is just a part of our job. We protect our kids from danger...that's just what we do, without thinking, without judgement, without irritation {unless they are making a huge scene.} Even during their rebellion, we are in control of the situation and our intense love for them compels us to protect them.

Yesterday, Preslie and I were walking into Lowe's and I said, "Hold my hand, or I'm gonna have to carry you," and [of course, like toddlers do] she pulled away from me shaking her head and doing that little dance of rebellion with her feet, so I scooped her up and planted her on my hip. In that sweeping motion I got the strangest feeling that it was a divine moment. It hit me that God had something to say to me through this simple interaction with my baby girl. He helped me to see that He kind of works the same way with us in the parking lot that is our life. He says, "Hold My hand, or I'm gonna have to carry you," and when I rebel like the spiritual toddler I am, He scoops me up and carries me, because I am His child. With no irritation or disappointment, He carries me through tough situations. With little or no effort put forth by myself, He is in control...protecting me, carrying me where He knows I need to go, even with me kicking and screaming sometimes. Even in my rebellion, He is sovereign.

I was talking to my sister today about how a while back I felt like I had an epiphany that I was in my spiritual adolescence before we were taken out to the desert. I was pretty content with my life, the roles I was playing as wife, mother, ministry partner, & mentor. I felt like I had it all together and that I had a lot of wisdom to offer the world. Just like a teenager, I knew it all and if you were lucky, I might share some of my advice with you. Then, I hit that wall of humility when I was alone with no sphere of influence and no clear direction of where I was going. It took me getting alone, 'feeling alone,' and crying out to God for Him to show me who I really am in Him and for me to realize where pride had taken me. It was during that time that I know God was carrying me because with no real effort on my own part, He led us out of the desert back into ministry and a fuller life than I could ever imagine. Even when I had rebelled and tried to do it all on my own, He scooped me up and carried me. I guess I knew it at the time, but I kind of felt like He was up there shaking His mighty head at me, irritated with my strong will and thinking, "When is she ever going to learn that holding my hand is the only way to be safe in this life?"

He doesn't get irritated with me when He has to carry me any more than I get irritated with my precious Preslie. I think I over estimated when I said I had been through my "spiritual adolescence." I am still a child, fresh out of the toddler phase...{teenagers and toddlers really do have a lot in common, if you think about it, but teenagers are a little more sophisticated in their rebellion} I am just a kid, a girl who feasted on spiritual milk for a long time and then thought she could do it "all by herself." I have finally come to a place where I realize that I know very little and that the only way to make it through this parking lot is to hold His hand or jump into His arms to be carried if I am weak or afraid. I know enough to know that my control freak nature is rebellion at its worst and clinging to Him is my only hope. That's all I need to know. I am so thankful to be a child of God...I shutter to think where I would be without Him.

So thankful....so thankful.

The Lord is my strength and shield.
I trust him with all my heart.
He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.
I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

 The Lord gives his people strength.
He is a safe fortress for his anointed king.
 Save your people!
Bless Israel, your special possession.
   Lead them like a shepherd,
and carry them in your arms forever.

Psalm 28:7-10

4th of July 2011

We spent Fourth of July weekend with Noni and Papa in Grove. The blue green algae prevented us from getting into the water this weekend, but it did not steal our fun! We had a blast...literally...watching fireworks at the park and listening to a family music group from Branson called the Duttons. Watermelon, kettle corn, dancing, light sabers, and a fireworks show...

good times with the fam!

At first we thought Preslie was going to love the fireworks. Last year, she enjoyed them. This year, not so much. She hid her eyes and gripped onto us for dear life when the show started. We shot off some small ones back at my parents' house too, and she was a nervous wreck.  Sad!

The best part of the night was probably watching these girlies dance to the fiddle playing! Precious!

Video of James and the kids...amazing grace

Here is a light video for our fam and friends' viewing pleasure...James and the kids practicing "amazing grace" for Grandpa Mike's funeral. You will notice that it is very representative of the real Ls. After the 10th run-through, James is silly, the littles are showing their stuff and Jesse is falling asleep. Shelby is the one who takes practicing the most seriously...it paid off. They did a great job!

don't look at the waves...

[Remember when life was simple and you were only handed one problem to deal with at a time...one financial burden, one major life event like a move, a new (to you) house, a death in the family, a birth, a wedding, a graduation, a break-up, a lay-off, starting a new job...]

I accidentally glanced down at the waves as I drove to the church for a women's ministry meeting last Sunday with a brand new $450 window air conditioner for the bungalow in back seat and a very extensive grocery list on the dash. I choked back the tears as I thought of the upcoming financial burdens we will face over the next few weeks...Our portion of James' dad's funeral expenses, the rotten floor and toilet that needs to be replaced upstairs, ongoing repairs to this old house, and the unknown, unexpected things that will pop in the future because they always do. I choked up for just a moment and then I smiled.

I smiled as I remembered how faithful God has been to take care of us and provide all of our needs. I almost laughed as I realized that any one of those expenses I mentioned would have thrown me for a loop as a young adult, young in my faith and immature because of my sheltered life circumstances. Back when I'd run to my parents or grandparents if I felt the smallest bit of adult responsibility and the first sting that it brings. It really is true that the more you overcome through faith ,the more faith you have, and the more hope in the future that everything is going to be okay. When you keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and refuse to focus on your circumstances all things are possible.

I always think of Peter when the storms rage around us. Peter walked on water through his faith in Jesus...He asked for the power to do it and Christ called him out there with Him, and he did it. He was walking on the water {in a storm, no less} until he looked at the wind and the waves around him and he sank. To this, Jesus replied, "You have so little faith. Why did you doubt me?" If Peter would have fixed his gaze on Christ, believed that He was in control and refused to focus on the storm, his story would've been different. (Aren't you thankful for the humanity of the disciples, that allows us to relate with and learn from them?)

As I look back over the past few years, the list of significant life events we have experienced is overwhelming...leaving a job, moving across country, having a baby, changing jobs, moving a total of 3 times in Arizona, depleting our life savings to virtually nothing just to get by, almost losing my mom to a ruptured spleen, then moving back across country, starting a new job in ministry, and losing a parent.  Each of these things {individually}are on the list of major life events that carry a great deal of stress and impact someone's life in a major way and we experienced all of them in a very short amount of time.

God brought us through all of it, drawing us closer to Himself and one another and growing us in unimaginable ways. As a family, our faith was strong, and we were not overcome by the waves. Sure, we each had our individual moments where we looked at the waves and had freak out sessions, but thankfully, {by the grace of God, I am sure} we never had those moments at the same time.  When I was panicking and sinking, James was there to lift me up, encourage and remind me that God was in control. When James was heavy with discouragement, I was able to hold up a candle in the darkness and help him see the Light. If He could do that for us and in us over the past few years, what we are facing right now in the next few weeks is small potatoes. We have God and we have one another. Our marriage is strong and our family is close. These financial waves ain't nothing but a thing. Our Jesus is bigger than our circumstances and He will always, always take care of us.

I wouldn't trade what we've been through and the assurance {hope & faith} our experiences have given us for all the money in the world! There are plenty of folks out there who may never struggle financially, and have planned their lives accordingly, yet their marriages are broken or they are far from God.

Give me a tight budget and a strong marriage over that any day if that is what it takes to keep us dependent on God and one another! Maybe one of these days we will have an over-abundance of money and looser budget...May we be faithful with what He provides and use it for His glory.