maybe if I don't...

make eye contact with anyone or answer the phone no one will ask me how I am doing today. If I open my mouth to answer, the flood gates just might open up and empty me of all of every ounce of will I have to continue this week's trial. This do-over start to our school year week because last week's false start was an error on my part.

How is it that I have an 8 year old daughter {who, don't get me wrong, has moments of her own} who is in my bedroom, watching {by choice} The Gospel of John movie for the second day in a row and playing {by ear} Gungor's Beautiful Things on our piano over and over until she perfects it without any prompting what-so-ever from me, yet, my man-child...my one and only wonderful, amazing, beautiful, sensitive boy has either sat at my side at the table or in the upstairs guest room ALL DAY vacillating between starting to do his schoolwork and then refusing to put pencil to paper, throwing screaming, crying fits...fits of frustration and fits of tongue lashing his mother? {Fits of crying so hard his nose would bleed.}The work is not hard. It is beginning of the year review kind of stuff that he would have no problem completing, yet it has become a battle of the wills and he shall not win. Thankfully, I was able to come up to the OAC and trade places with James tonight, so he can continue the battle of wills man-to-man this evening. I am spent...

I want to love home schooling and I want my kids to love learning.

If I had never experienced the Jesse who loves math and routines and willingly races his sister to finish school because it is exciting...who loves to curl up with me and listen to a good book about the Underground Railroad or watch a documentary on Egypt and create his own mummies and pyramids, I'd enroll him in school tomorrow after the battle that raged today. {I was able to keep my mouth and tone under control, thank you Lord, but it was not easy.} I just have to believe that after getting back into our routine things will improve. We did take our first summer break ever and he is my 'live and die by the calendar' child. I have to keep reminding myself of that today. Change is hard for him...for us all, but especially for him.

There will probably be a day when all my kids go to school outside the home, but I never want it to be because it is hard...because I gave up or because life would be easier if I weren't mom and teacher. It has to be because it is the right thing for them and our family at the time. And, in this season, home schooling is right for us...even when it is hard. 

They are worth it...everyday...good or bad...lovely or ugly...happy or sad...loving or fighting...they are worth it. 
My precious son is worth it.

I wonder how often my mom felt the same way about me...or how often my God still feels the same way about me...about you...Always