We were having one of those mornings...
Preslie woke up crying for the second day in a row and wanting to be held all morning, making school rather difficult. The kids were distracted and taking unusually long to complete their work and we needed to get to the grocery store because we literally had nothing for lunch. Shelby had created the most amazing piece of artwork to open her Etsy shop with and it just needed a few finishing touches but when she left the table, Lucy scribbled all over it with an ink pen. {I am talking mixed media, collage, unique and beautiful...and ruined in an instant.} Then, as we were finally finished with all morning work and chores and getting ready to load the car, Jesse climbed up on the cabinet to get some of his allowance to spend at the store and knocked our favorite Princess Leia glass to the floor shattering it into a million pieces. [Remember her? RIP]
That is when it happened. I lost it. I yelled at Jesse to get out of the kitchen, keep all of his sisters out and get shoes on everyone before someone sliced their foot open. I reminded him in a voice much too loud how special that glass was, how disappointed Daddy would be, and that if he would have stayed off the cabinet and asked me to get it for him, this would have never happened. He may have broken that glass, but I broke something in his spirit with my words. I could see it in his eyes.
Aren't we trying to teach our kiddos that people are more important than things? That stuff happens and it isn't the end of the world when something gets broken? When they make mistakes and have accidents, don't we want them to be able to come to us with remorse and ask for forgiveness? The way I behaved invites fear, not remorse. Fear doesn't lead to trust and does not encourage honesty.
So, I did what I needed to do...what I always do when I overreact. I apologized to Jesse and asked for his forgiveness. I told him that he had no reason to be ashamed because accidents do happen and that while it was true that he needed to be more careful and and follow directions because Mommy and Daddy's rules are set up to protect him and our things, that didn't give me an excuse to yell at him like I did. I went on to explain, like I always try to, that Mommy makes mistakes too and that is why I need a savior too. I explained how most people have one or two things that they really struggle with and have to ask for forgiveness a lot and pray for Jesus to change their hearts so that they can overcome those struggles. I told him that my mouth was the thing that I struggled with the most. To that, Shelby said, "No it is your tongue, remember Mom. Your tongue can't be tamed." Yep, ain't that the truth?! I agreed with her that it is my tongue and explained how our tongues are a big struggle for most people. My particular tongue issue is overreacting and losing my cool.
Jesse promptly forgave me and said he understood. Then, he went on to tell me that his biggest struggle with his tongue was lying, to me in particular. Ouch. What do you say when your child tells you they struggle with lying? My inner Momma, the fixer, wanted to demand that he tell me exactly what all he had lied to me about so that we could get it all out on the table and get to the bottom of this lying issue so we could fix it. I resisted that temptation, however, and spent some time deep in thought about how this could be his biggest struggle and I be unaware. Then it hit me...my boy, my deepest feeler of the bunch, the one who longs for and desires my approval and love maybe the most of all, is {at times} afraid to be honest with me because of how I might react. After all, I do freak out when a glass gets broken or (sometimes when) a wet towel is left on the wood floor. Am I safe for his truth even if it is messy? I want to be.
Lord, muzzle my mouth if you have too, but make me a safe place to land for my kiddos...always.
{photo above taken from here.}
