So, for the past several months, I have pretty much just reported what is going on in the family and uploaded pictures to keep up with my"scrapbook," that is this blog. However, this blog is also supposed to be my journal so that when I am long gone or when my kids are older wondering what kind of crazy Momma raised them up, they can look back at this and see who I am (was), how I lived my life, what I loved and despised, my passions, and ramblings and what my personality was like. I want to paint a real picture for them of who I am and what their childhood was like (at least from my perspective, of course.)
I was inspired by a book I recently read by my favorite author, Francine Rivers. The book was called Her Mother's Hope and it has a follow-up called Her Daughter's Dream. In the book you see life from both the mother and daughter's perspective. She parents each of her kids in the way she feels will best develop their individual character, and while it is effective in meeting her goals, it drives a wedge between her and her daughter. Things that the mother says or does that seem harsh to the daughter are actually rooted in love, though the daughter is unable to see it because the mother doesn't share her perspective with her daughter. Their relationship is very strained because of the lack of communication and constant inaccurate assumptions made on both sides. It really got me to thinking about my own kids and whether or not they will understand my intentions in the way I parent each of them individually.
My hope is that through this journal, (my blog) my kids will see the intentions behind my decisions and actions and know that everything I do is rooted in love. I will make some mistakes along the way and sometimes totally fail at what I am trying to accomplish as a mother. They won't always agree with the decisions their father and I make, but by knowing who we are and the way we think, and how deeply we love God, each other and every one of them, hopefully, at least they won't resent us for our choices. I know what a difference it made to me when I finally saw my parents as human beings...a Mom and Dad but also a woman and man...with hopes, dreams and values that guided their lives and that they did the best they could with what they had been taught themselves. Knowing what makes them tick and appreciating how their personalities shape their decisions makes it impossible to withhold grace...And, I guess Grace is what I am talking about here in a nut shell.
So, I am bringing my personality back into the blog.
I pulled it out because of a traumatic experience I went through with a friend who had the audacity to speak out on her blog about The Shack and Facebook.(I know, how could she possibly think she could share her opinions about such cultural icons and survive?) She was treated really unfairly for sharing her thoughts and I hurt for her. At the same time, I thought back over all of my posts and wondered if I had ever inadvertently hurt a friend or family member with my words...just opinions...just passing thoughts...we ALL have them. But, some people are more sensitive than others, and I would never want to hurt anyone just for the sake of being heard. So, I shut my mouth. Sure, over the past year or so I have still let a couple of my opinions slip out and it isn't as though I have been fake or anything like that. I have mostly just stuck to the facts and this blog has been mainly a pictorial timeline of sorts, boring, not even interesting for me to reread let alone for my kids in years to come.
So, I am back. I have a bigger filter and I am keeping my tongue under closer watch with the hopes that no one (especially my loved ones) ever reads more into what I say than I intend for them to. But, I am back and I feel my wheels already turning with ideas and lessons I have learned, memories I have forgotten to share, and so much more. Sorry, kids...your Momma was going through a weird season. But I grew A LOT. Someday you will understand. Have some grace!
