Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. - Mother Teresa
Loneliness breaks my heart. It always has. I remember walking through a nursing home as a young child and seeing the sweet old faces light up at the possibility that they might have a visitor or that even a stranger might be willing to stop and notice them, maybe share a few words or a shake of the hand. Those soft frail hands with paper thin skin gripping my small chubby hands as if they could recapture some of the magic of their youth through me. Their piercing eyes looking deep into my soul longing to connect with someone, anyone.
Loneliness is an epidemic now. I would venture to guess that there are just as many young lonely people as old. Technology promising to keep us all more connected has actually pulled us apart making our relationships more shallow and superficial than ever. On top of that, we look at our friends facebooks or blogs and assume that their lives are too full for us because they have so much action from their readers. we stop reaching out to them and they assume the same about us, so they stop as well. So, what many of us have is a very active online life but a very lonely reality.
For years, I have had many of my friends and family members tell me that they were just plain lonely. {Mostly women, who I never would have guessed could be lonely.}
They have full schedules and online lives, but no one to really connect with on a heart level. They feel left out by friends, unwanted, or just plain ignored.
People (including myself) offer up empty advice to "just make more effort," or "invite yourself along," "try to get involved with your church," or "join a women's group." Then, when they don't take our advice, we kind of blame them for their loneliness and say, "they are bringing it upon themselves."
Would we say the same thing to a person who was physically sick even if the illness was brought about by their own choices? Do we not bring meals, offer to babysit, run errands, or just sit for hours by the sides of people who are ill or in the hospital? The church (God's family) is generally awesome at "being there" for the sick, but what about the lonely?
I find it ironic that we do everything we can to help those who are sick knowing that all we really have to offer is our presence. We can't cure them or make them recover more quickly. We can pray for them, but it is ultimately out of our control.
However, for the brother or sister who is lonely, we really do have the power to help them. All that is required is our presence and it just might be the REMEDY as well. What is the aversion we have for reaching out to them. we all know someone who is lonely. Maybe they are hard to bring out of their shell...maybe we don't have a lot in common and we find it difficult to find things to talk about...so, we either give up quickly or decide it isn't even worth the effort. Isn't a broken heart worth the effort? Because that is the ultimate result of loneliness.
When I first moved across the country a few years ago I went through a long season of loneliness. With four kids, a loving husband and parents living close by it would seem to be impossible to feel lonely. Yet, I was. I longed for a friend to connect with, be silly or cry with, to share my life with. I have found that it is pretty common for stay-at-home moms to battle loneliness, so I know I am not the only one.
I am so thankful for the ladies God sent into my life who reached out and made me their friend. A few of those ladies moved pretty quickly after we became close friends, but the time we had together was precious. Over the past several months I have made more friends...I feel less lonely, but it still creeps in sometimes and I miss my Kansas friends who I could drop in on at a moments notice, feed them left overs for lunch, be ugly around, share a good cry or just hang with.
It is true, people do need to make more of an effort to come out of their loneliness, just like they need to make more of an effort to take care of their health. But, we do have power {and the privilege} to make a difference in the lives of people who feel alone. We simply need to make more of an effort to be there for them...In person, not just online.
