He said, "I've never been married, so I can only imagine how difficult it must be to have to form your own will to someone else's. It must be tremendously difficult, and for that I admire you. Giving up one's own will for the judgement of another even at the risk of sacrificing..." These words are taken from a book I have been reading called Jewel by Brett Lott.
This is the 4th book in a row that I have read over the past month with the underlying theme of the sacrifices we (women) make for our husbands. It would seem to be a coincidence since three of which were written by different authors...2 were set in the past, 2 current day...one in Europe, one in the South and 2 in LA. None of them mention this underlying theme in the summary...and each were recommended to me by a different friend. I would blow it off as a coincidence, except for the fact that I know this is how God often speaks to me. When He brings a theme into my life through what I am reading, listening to or watching, there is always a lesson to learn and I stop and listen for what He is trying to teach me.
I feel so blessed to have a husband who shares the same hopes, dreams, values and desires that I do. Sure, there are things we disagree on, but on the big issues we are on the same page. My Mom is a relationship coach and she calls those big issues "non-negotiables." We don't disagree on anything that is "non-negotiable" or essential to either of us. I know he has my best interests at heart and he knows I have his. We trust one another and we haven't ever faced a circumstance where one of us had to give up something in order for the other one to be happy. There may come a day when that happens, but so far it hasn't. Sure we have made compromises for one another, but never to the extent that either of us has be resentful about it.
When I look back at some of our individual dreams when we first got married and see how different our lives are from what either of us thought we wanted, it seems like we have both given up most of what we thought we wanted, but not for each other... Our dreams and plans changed over the years because we gave up our own selfish desires for whatever plan God has for us. We have both handed our lives and our futures over to God and willingly gone where He has taken us, together. At times, it has been difficult, but we have grown. No resentments...no regrets. In fact, we have more joy in the life God has chosen for us than we would have if our own plans would have worked out.
I think resentments and regrets come from us not being willing to let go of our idea of how we want our lives to be. It is all a matter of perspective. When we focus on ourselves rather than the big picture, (how we fit into our families and impact our loved ones or what impact our life has on eternity) we become stuck in the selfishness cycle. We can ponder our situations and become disillusioned because our life doesn't look like we imagined it to until we are bitter and full of self-pity. Some of the characters I have read about lately have used their husbands choices for their families as a catalyst for a lifetime of bitterness. Yet, others have made the conscious decision to take what life hands them, face their reality, learn, grow and live in a way that please God. Perspective makes a HUGE difference. With the right perspective compromise comes naturally, so even when we have to give something up, it doesn't feel like we are losing anything.
Maybe that is the lesson. Keep things in perspective.
All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, those who have been called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28
