Sacred Parenting...

Here we go again. I picked up my book to read this afternoon and guess what the chapter is called..."Burning Love" and it is about anger in parenting...the very thing God has been working with me on. James and I have been reading the book Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas for the past few weeks. It is honestly one of those books that I want to underline every other sentence. I have about 15 places marked that I want to blog about, but I guess I should just recommend it to my friends and family instead.
It is so unique because it is not another "how to be a better parent" or "how to discipline your kids" book. The subtitle is "How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls." It is all about the sanctifying effect of parenting. I had never really thought of parenting and marriage as sanctifying relationships/experiences until my brother mentioned it to me in passing on one of our many walks. Soon after that conversation a good friend told me about this book and I am so grateful I picked it up!

He also wrote Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy Rather than to Make Us Happy? We are reading that next. Before even cracking it open, I have already been exploring in my mind all of the ways my marriage has changed me, shaped my character and drawn me closer to God. It's gonna be good!

There is a dvd series that goes with the Marriage one...I think I will buy it!

"A Passionate Person"

“She is a passionate person.” This statement can be interpreted in a myriad of ways. Some are positive and some are, well, less than positive. At different times it can mean different things. Here are just a few:

She is creative.
She is emotional.
She is a dramatic.
She stands up for what she believes in.
She is crazy.
She is loud and obnoxious.
She has a hot temper.
She puts her heart into everything she does.
She is sensitive and cries easily.
She is a great lover.
She is a strong fighter.
She’s not afraid to speak her mind.
She has no filter, is blunt and can hurt others with her words.
She is inspiring.
She is infuriating.
She is a firecracker.
She is a bulldozer.

I am a “passionate person.” All of the above things have probably been said about me at one time or another, and I would have to agree with the good…and the bad. I am who I am because God created me this way, and I although I sometimes admire these traits in others, I would never be satisfied to be luke-warm, easy going, laid back, meek, quiet or calm. That simply isn’t who I am.

However, over the past few weeks, God has held up a mirror in front of my face and shown me the “ugly” side of my passionate personality. He has shown me that just like every other good thing He has gifted us with there can be a dark side to it if it isn’t used for His glory.

As painful as it is to see, admit and share, I have secret sin in my life. No I am not cheating on my husband, shoplifting, addicted to drugs or any of the other things that come to mind when we hear “secret sin.”
My secret sin may not be as high-profile, but I am certain that it can cause just as much if not more damage.

I am quick-tempered…as a mom and as a wife I often struggle with my attitude and my mouth. Not every day, mind you, but often enough that I must admit I am ashamed. I snip at, grouch at, and sometimes even yell at my kids. I use sarcasm, and mean looks and do not convey to them that they are the absolute joy of my life. I love being a Momma and I have my dream job, yet I can’t say with absolute assurance that my kids would believe that to be true all of the time.

I want my kids to know that I delight in them. I want to be their teacher and encourager. With them I always want to be KIND but FIRM. Setting high expectations and spurring them on to meet those expectations, while using failures as teaching opportunities. I want them to walk into the room where I am and feel safe and loved…precious and adored. While my kids are young children, I am their only representation of God. If I only delight in them when they are well-behaved and I am in a good mood, what will that mean for their developing perception of God. Will they always feel like they have to work to earn His favor?

A few months ago one of my closest friends told me that she could never imagine me yelling at my kids. It was at that moment that I realized I had secret sin in my life. How could someone who knows me so well not know that I was capable of losing my temper? Ever since then it seems like my attitude went farther and farther down hill until I had to come face to face with the reality that I needed to change. Not being able to “work hard enough” to change on my own, I finally decided to do what I should have done in the first place, allow God to do it through me. That required me reconnecting with Him through bible study and prayer.
Isn’t it funny how when we get disconnected with God because we are focusing so much on ourselves we end up in a downward spiral and find ourselves becoming the very person we never wanted to be…and the closer we are to God the more we become that person we desire to be?

No formula, no specific instructions, just in drawing near to God our hearts are changed. You can’t come face to face with your creator and get a glimpse of what He created you to be and then walk away unchanged.

The beauty of truly seeing yourself through God’s eyes is that your sin is revealed, and you feel the sting of guilt and regret (conviction) but then when you acknowledge your sin and you repent, you immediately feel His love and grace. You understand that while your sin was real and wrong, He has forgiven you and released you to live a different way, free from sin AND free from guilt. If you merely acknowledge your sin and admit your guilt, apart from God’s grace you get stuck in your shame and have a very difficult time pulling yourself out of your pit of regret. There is no hope of change…you are just not strong enough.

I am just not strong enough. But He is. What He created me to be is so much better than what I can be in my own strength. AND, if He created me to be it, I CAN be it. I do not have to live in bondage to my bad attitude. I can use my passionate personality to love and to express delight rather than to blow up and express disapproval. I can turn failures into teachable moments that do not have end up in emotional episodes. If God doesn’t blow up and lose His temper with me, He will surely equip me to handle my own kids in the same way.

He is already doing it! And, the important thing is that I am allowing Him to.

[A few ending thoughts: I could go on forever justifying my behavior. When comparing myself to other moms, I can always say that at least I don’t call my kids names, beat them, or publically humiliate them. I can make excuses about how raising 4 is just plain hard, and give myself plenty of valid reasons why it really isn’t that bad to yell and lose my temper. But the truth is, there is NO freedom in living that way. No freedom and no joy…There is another way to live, in victory over my attitude and as a delight to myself, my loved ones and my heavenly Father. I’m choosing that way…finally]

Preslie Praising the Lord at Beth Moore...

Preslie, not unlike the rest of our kiddos, LOVES music. She loves to dance when we are having family worship or during worship at church. Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes because the way she moves her arms is really like she is praising Jesus.Sometimes I have a hard time holding her because it feels like she might jump right out of my arms she is boogieing so hard!
My mom and I went to Tucson this weekend to see Beth Moore's Living Proof Live. You can't go to one of these events and walk away without hearing from the Lord. And boy oh boy, did He have a lot to say to me this weekend!!! Of course it all goes hand in hand with everything else he has been working on me about over the past several weeks and I hope to be able to blog about it soon. Right now, it all seems too intimate to share.
Check out the video for just a tiny taste of what it is like to worship God through song with Preslie.

The trauma of separating one's self from his family...

is immeasurable. Last night James and I were going on a walk when we were greeted by our across the street neighbor. We didn't know it, but apparently we had a divine appointment with him. I love it when that happens! He is a sweet 74 year old man with a lot of wisdom to share. He and his wife were educators for over 50 years each, with a combined career of over 100 years in education. He actually taught at ASU for the last several years before retiring.

We shared with him that we were moving in a few weeks and that we'd only be a mile away from my parents. To that he said, "You have no idea the gift you are giving your parents by allowing them to share your lives and the lives of their grandchildren." He went on to share with us the joy he and his wife have in being so close with his children and grandchildren after some years of separation. He said that they keep them young and energetic.They love them like no one else can. Life in their 70s is filled with love and laughter instead of loneliness and regret. He also said something to me that I won't soon forget. The language he used was beautiful and laced with the pain of experience.
He said, "You know, the trauma of separating one's self from his family is immeasurable. People go off on adventures trying to chase a dream or have an experience and where do they long to return in the end? To family...and if they have divorced themselves from their family unit there is nothing to return to...they do not even know each other any more." He went on to say, "After working with young people for 50 years and meeting all kinds of people and families, I can tell you that the greatest hurts I have seen are often a result of families separating, whether it is by divorce or by grown children moving far away."

As he was talking to us I felt deep gratitude for being close to my parents again. Having them share our lives is truly a gift. I also felt sadness for being separated from James' family and my extended family. Kansas and Oklahoma are far away! We didn't even get to go see our families this past Christmas because it was too expensive. Fortunately James' mom has come for some long visits. When she is here, the kids thrive. They eat up all of the one-on-one attention she gives them and learn so much from all that she has to share. It is definitely quality time that they share and for that I am thankful. Same thing with Jeka. At least when we do get to spend time with her, it is quality time. But, I long for a time that we can all live closer together.

I think about biblical times when families shared plots of land together, worked together, had meals together, told stories and taught one another and shared every joy and sorrow together. I envy other cultures where this is still the case like Native American Indian reservations and African Villages. There are even ethnic groups in America that tend to stick together more than others like Hispanic, Asian and Italian families. Even so, there seems to be a general lack of respect for families who make the choice to stick together.
(We experienced this firsthand. Often times when we shared with others that we were moving to AZ to be close to family we were met with judgemental looks and comments. While if we would have said James has an awesome job opportunity where he will be making a lot more money those same people would have cheered.)
Many of us feel the need to move where the most money is or the best climate, or the most exciting leisure activities, sacrificing the experience of having our families around to be a daily part of our lives. And why wouldn't we? Everyone else seems to be doing it. And besides, maybe families are over-rated. And Hey, honestly they tend to get on our nerves like no one else can, make us mad, give us unwanted advice, and intrude in our lives without us even asking them to. We'd probably be happier far away from them, right? I guess every person has to ask themselves that question when deciding where to live and then accept the consequences, both good and bad. Some people really do need to be far way from family because their relationships really are toxic and maybe even abusive. There are also missionaries who are called far away from their families and are blessed for their obedience. But if that isn't the case...

Then maybe, just maybe, we could learn from some wise friends and relatives who are in their twilight years and want to offer us a nugget of wisdom from their lifetime of experience.

At the end of your life, when you have moved away from all of your family, then your kids grow up and move away and then your spouse dies, who will you spend the last years of your life with? Will your last years be filled with joy and laughter, shared memories and hugs or something else?

The Carnival with Jeka and Matt P

Jeka and her fiance Matt came to town this weekend. I so wish they lived closer because the kids (and me and James) adore them. Matt is affectionately called "Matt Price" to differentiate he and Matt Jones, their other uncle. The funny thing is that if Janell and Matt Schram get married, the kids will have 3 uncle Matts. Insane!



Matt fits right in with our family. He cares for and plays with the kids as if they are his own. He is going to be a great Dad. Look at him on this kiddie train...no self-consciousness at all...he is just enjoying time with the kids. He has such a gift and magnetism with children which is surprising, because he hasn't been around a lot of him. Jesse talks about him at least once a day. They are buds for sure!



Jeka is a celebrity when she comes to town. The kids get crazy excited to see her. Lucy was eating up the one-on-one attention she had from her. When she isn't around Lucy pretends she is talking to Jeka on the phone all of the time and she and Shelby name their Barbies Jeka. So sweet!



Here they are at church with the Fozzio. We went to Standing Stones for Shelby and Jesse's choir performance. It was so cute. Jesse had a line in Everlasting God. On the microphone he quoted Isaiah saying, "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength." Those sweet children's voices quoting the word of the Lord got me all choked up. It was so moving! I am so glad Jeka and Matt were here for this special day.

Tenacious G

One of the things I love most about the character of God is his tenacity. Even when I am stubborn and self-absorbed, and fall back into my old habits again and again, he is a tenacious Father always pursuing me, guiding me, and redirecting me back toward Himself.

Anyone who know the Lord and has been in relationship with Him for any length of time recognizes his voice and his habit of sending them the same message through a variety of sources when He is desiring them to grow in some area.
A random comment from a friend, a scene in a movie, a scripture that jumps off the page, an interview on TV, sermon at church, song on the radio, conversation at the grocery store, email message, status on facebook...It seems like they are all directed at you and connected in some way. It can't be a coincidence that everywhere you turn you are kind of hearing the same message and it seems to speak directly to your heart. Many people chalk these things up to random chance, but I've got news:

That's God, baby and that is how He often speaks to us. When it happens to me it makes me feel like His prize possession. That He cares so much for me that he would tenaciously communicate a message to me through several different means is incomprehensible. It gets my attention big time!

How can I ignore God and what He is trying to do in my life? I have learned over the years that when this happens I just need to slow down, shut up and listen, because if I don't I will miss the lesson and it will come back around again until I get it.

I am in one of those seasons right now and I am just taking it all in. I am going through Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself study and I am hearing and seeing Him work all around me to bring me to a new understanding of who He is and I am in Christ. I am so excited about all of the ways He is communicating with me and my first instinct is to share all of what is swirling around in my heart and mind. But to do so would cheapen it at this point. I am just going to enjoy the sweet time with Him and see what He would have me share later.

My first attempt at family pics

We are trying to enjoy our last few weeks in Anthem. We bought a house in Peoria and will be moving in April. The area we are moving to is beautiful, tucked snugly back in the mountains. The views from every upstairs window are breathtaking. The neighborhood is quiet with lots of young families and a community pool. Still, we will miss all of the amenities in Anthem. The park, outdoor adventure playground, ponds, waterpark, library, 2 Starbucks and 2 grocery stores are within walking distance from where we have lived this past year. When I type all of that out, it makes us sound crazy for leaving, but we are glad to be moving. There is just something about this place that isn't right for us. As cool as it seems, it just isn't home.



We have made frequent trips to this park in the wagon or stroller and our on bikes. Matt and I walked this park dozens of early mornings and had the best conversations. I will miss it.



Shelby adores Lucy. She takes such good care of her. Lucy had fallen and scraped her knee and Shelby was carrying her to comfort her. There is a 5 year span between them and still they are so close. They snuggle together most nights, falling asleep in the same bed. Many times when I tuck them in Shelby says, "Mom, I just love Lucy so much." It makes me want to cry every time...What did I do to deserve such joy?



This is the closest I could get to having them all looking at me and smiling. Lucy isn't really, but at least she is looking. Such cutie pies!



Jesse is attempting fishy kisses here. We like to give fishy, eskimo and butterfly kisses around here. Lucy will say, "I fly, eskimo, shishy, and we know what she wants to do.



Every time they are staring at each other I say to Jesse, "Isn't it like looking in the mirror?" I think they look so much alike. Believe it or not, Preslie looks a lot like a perfect mixture of Jesse and Shelby. We have baby pics of both of them that look a lot like her. She is definitely an individual though...they all are. I love these kids!!!!!

Somebody's FABULOUS!

Miss Preslie Janell aka Fozzio de Ruby (yes, the nicknames keep evolving)is a diva in her new earrings. She was very brave and only cried a little when we had it done. She looks much more feminine and I can tell she feels FABULOUS!



All of my babies have been somber, and PJ is no exception. She is very serious much of the time and looks like she is contemplating a myriad of complex world issues. I believe that being a somber baby is a sign of very high intelligence. Who wants to argue with me? Somber or not she still captures my heart with these baby blues!

10 things that make me a better Momma

Most of the time I absolutely positively love being a Momma. I know this is who God created me to be and I consider my children to be the most amazing gifts...they are a tremendous joy to me and it is such an honor to be able to spend my days with them. My heart aches for Mommies who can't spend their days with their kiddos and long to be there with them.
Some days, however, are tough. I get into the "I just gotta make it till rest-time or bed-time mode," and I go into autopilot or I wrestle with myself fighting the urge to pull my hair out or scream at the top of my lungs. (Sometimes I lose.)
Good news is that I have found some things that help me to be a better Momma. If I have all 10 of these I can qualify for Mom of the year. j/k But, it is a good day, a real good day.

1) Prayer- The number one way to get my heart and attitude in line and dedicate the day to the Lord and what He has planned for me and the kids that day.
2) A good night's sleep- a tired Momma is a grouchy Momma
3) Getting up before the kids- I have to beat them up or I feel behind all day and I am grouchy that they woke me up.
4) Exercise- If I get a walk in before they wake up, it is even better. I have had time to breathe fresh air, pray and enjoy God's creation, and think about what the day ahead will bring. Plus, my endorphins are pumping and it is easier to smile and be pleasant when I greet them for the first time of the day.
5) COFFEE- Without this my kids and my husband would not like me very much. I hate to admit it, but at this season in my life it is a necessity!
6) Make-Up & dress for the day- It may sound vain, and it probably is, but I can definitely tell a difference in my attitude when I have make-up on vs. when I don't. Passing by a mirror and catching a reflection of my bare face, tossled hair and pjs puts me in a bad mood. Even if I wasn't tired before I see myself, I get tired real quick after seeing how old and tired I look.
7)Praise Music- I find it very difficult to get angry or irritated if our home or car are filled with music that is praising God.
8) A call from my honey- I love hearing his voice when I am having a rough day. It is soothing to my soul and he usually says something to encourage and refuel me to make it a better day.
9) A call from a friend- I don't have caller-id and when I pick up the phone and hear the sweet voice of one of my friends on the other line my heart skips a beat. Whether they are calling to just say hi, give me a swift kick in the pants to get my attitude straight, or share some news with me, it makes my day so much brighter.
10) down-time during the day- My kids all have rest-time for 2 hours a day, usually from 1-3. The youngest two sleep and the older ones watch a movie, read or color. On a good day I rest for about 30 minutes with my eyes closed, make some coffee and have my quiet time with the Lord. On many days, I make coffee and either get on the computer, start dinner or talk to a friend on the phone. But the key here is that I get to choose what I want to do for at least an hour. Preslie usually wakes up before the others and we get some one-on-one time.

Yeah, so those are the 10 things that I can make happen on at least a few days a week to help me be a better Momma. Now, here are a few more that I am convinced if I were able to have them I'd be Super Momma!!!:

1) A House-Keeper - even just once a week having someone come and do laundry and deep cleaning, and I'd be flying high.
2) Groceries delivered to my house - If I didn't have to ever go to the store myself again with 4 kids I'd be one happy camper.
3) A better hair style - seriously, I have never had cute hair and I really think if I did I'd be so happy when I saw my reflection that I'd skip through the day joyfully.
4) A few good friends here in AZ- My two closest friends here decided to move to the far south east. One is in Atlanta and one is moving to Chattanooga. I am a social person. I get energy from my friends and crave a girlfriend to share my life with here.
5) A good babysitter who loves my kids - My parents are amazing and love to watch the kids, but I don't want to always ask them to do it. I just haven't fund anyone here yet to hire.
6) Starbucks delivery and unlimited free drinks- If I had this...MMMMMMmmmmmm AAAHHHHhhhhhh.

A girl can dream, right?

Lucy on the fly...

Ahhh, Lucy. What can I say? Look at this girl's impressive fro! It is even more amazing in these pics b/c she is flying above me like Superman on my feet with her hair frizzed out to the sides.



She's either gonna grow up loving or hating her hair. I hope she loves it. It is so perfect for her personality!



Part of my daily work-out routine is baby and Lucy leg-lifts. No joke, I lift them both from the knees 40 times and then fly them on my feet like superman several times to stretch. I feel like it has made my legs and back stronger and even my abs b/c I stretch my legs out in front with the baby on my knees to work my core. Multi-tasking at its finest. The girls get a fun free ride and mom gets a work-out. Good times.

Jesse Partridge

We have been watching the Partridge Family season 1 for the past few weeks and it is freaky how much Jesse looks like a Partridge. He could be Shirley Jones' son!I can't find a picture that really captures it, but if he is standing next to the TV while it is on and you look from her to him it is spooky how similar they look. They even kind of have the same hairstyle.
We are loving the show. Of course, we have to pretend we are the Partridges and James plays the theme song while we sing and dance. The kids are even trying to talk me into having one more baby so we can have 5 kids like them. The only problem is that we already have 3 girls and they only have 2 girls and 3 boys. Also, the Dad is dead so James plays David Cassidy. Fitting role for such a heart throb! Jesse can't decide whether he wants to be Danny or the youngest son who plays drums so he switches back and forth. Shelby plays the oldest daughter on keyboard and Lucy is on the tambourine or just dances around and falls on the ground. Preslie is usually asleep, but if she is awake she bounces and waves her arms to the music. Good times, good times...