I don't know if it is the heat, the desert, the recent visitors from home who remind me how much I miss Kansas or the midlife crisis I am headed into, but I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride lately when it comes to my emotions. I feel like I am entering a second adolescence or something. For someone who likes to be "in control" this is an uncomfortable place to be.
The years between the ages of 30 & 35 I felt like I went through a process of becoming who I was meant to be. I had finally "arrived." I was confident in myself, my parenting, my marriage, & my God. I felt like for the first time in my life I really knew myself and liked who I had become.
I am about to turn 37 and I still feel this way. I am confident in all of those areas, but emotionally I feel really fragile. I will have a few really good positive days and then a few down in the dumps days. I will find joy in living here and then something will make me hate it again. I will have hope in the future one moment and then I will feel despair. I will feel so close to God one day and distant the next. I am terribly annoyed with myself lately b/c I don't do well with emotional people and I am being an emotional person.
I so hope this is just a phase because I am ready to be done with it.
