Shelby has said this about me a few times lately, so it has really gotten me thinking. Of course, she is referring to the times when they are being disciplined or when they are not allowed to do something another child is allowed to do and I do not give in. They are all keenly aware that if they want the answer to be a definitive "NO," all they have to do is cry or whine about something. I will entertain reasonable respectful objections when voiced without crying or whining such as, "Mom, remember last night when you said we could have dessert tomorrow?" But not, "BUT MOM...that's not fair! You said we could have dessert tomorrow!" Once they take a certain tone, the answer is and will forever remain "NO." So, in that respect, she is right I don't feel sorry for them. They know the consequences, no reason for sympathy.
But it goes farther with me...She is right, I don't ever feel sorry for anyone. Feeling sorry for someone is called "pity" and pity is a useless emotion. I am not the friend to call if you want to have a pity party or husband bashing session. I won't tell you that you are right, your life is miserable and your husband is awful and you DESERVE to be angry or upset. {with a few exceptions} Nope, pity I do not do, and it has cost me more than a few superficial friends I am sure. I have had people tell me that they appreciate my honesty and know exactly what to expect when they call me. If they want a pity party they have other friends they call for that. Still, that makes me kind of sad, because I don't want them to think I don't feel their pain.
Compassion is a better description of what I do feel and what I do DO. The definition of compassion is "Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it." I feel deeply, but I do not pity. My first instinct is to relieve their discomfort, not play into or encourage it. So, I will usually go into reality and advice mode, encouraging my friend to look at her situation reasonably and challenging her to work toward a solution instead of just "venting." Sometimes I do this in a way that leaves people feeling less than validated and then they probably aren't quite as receptive to hearing my advice. I am growing in this area, but I still have a ways to go. I want to be better at communicating my heart...the first part of the definition "a deep awareness of suffering," because I do feel it, I am just not great at expressing it. Now, "the wish to relieve it"...I have got that part down.
I'm a work in progress, that is for sure!
