one of those days...

Okay, so we found out this weekend that we have to move out for sure at the end of May or June because our landlord is going to lose the home if she doesn't sell it within a month.We only signed a 6 month lease anyway, because we really wanted to buy a home after we got here and found a great deal. We were planning on staying through July, though, because we will be bringing our new baby girl home mid-June. This throws a little bit of unwanted stress into the mix, but we will be fine. The hardest part for me is going to be having to keep the house clean and ready to show, especially while packing and caring for a newborn. We have asked them if they will allow us out of our lease on May 31, but it looks like their answer will be "no."

I got a small taste of the chaos this morning. First of all, I was so sick last night. I was vomiting and feeling like my head would explode much of the night. Today I am puny, but better. At lunch time I was so looking forward to cleaning up our dishes and then collapsing on the couch with the kids in front of a movie. Then, I checked my voicemail at 11:30. There was a message from the realtor saying that there was a viewing at noon. I immediately went into fast-forward, get-it-done mode and began cleaning everything up. Since I was already feeling yucky, it was a mess. With 15 minutes to go, both older kids had to potty. Jesse was upstairs with explosive diarrhea that he couldn't clean up himself. Shelby was fine, but unable to help me clean b/c she was busy in the downstairs bathroom. I got them squared away, made the bed really quickly and came back down to see Lucy still in the high chair with sour cream all over her face, the walls, the floor and the blinds. She is the dipping queen and she was dipping her burrito into sour cream. When I disappeared upstairs she apparently began picking the sour cream up and slinging it all over the room. With about 5 minutes to get out of the house it was not the best timing for a sour cream explosion. So, I cleaned her up, Shelby rinsed the dishes and threw them into the dishwasher and I wiped up the mess. Next, we turned around just in time to see Lucy emptying the toy box in the living room. I was dumbfounded. Despite having 3kids underfoot, it is rarely chaotic around here. I was not emotionally or physically prepared for this today!
So, anyway, we finally got out of the house and drove around for an hour, just to receive a call from the realtor saying that the person hadn't come and was coming later. She'd call us when she was coming. We came home, read our book and got tucked in just in time for the call. She was ready to see the house right after I had tucked everyone in. It was just a realtor by herself, so she allowed us to stay, but I did make Shelby and Jesse get up and make the bed first. She spent about 30 seconds here, smiled, and raced out the door. I hope it was worth it. I really do want to help them sell the place, b/c it must be horrible to think you might lose it to foreclosure. But, how am I possibly going to do this when I have a newborn? Philippians 4:13!

The lasting power of labels...

I have always been fascinated at the staggering power labels have over most people, myself included. Once someone is given a label, right or wrong, true or not, they have a hard time not believing it or living up to it. It is the whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing. I saw it in myself as child and teenager in so many ways. I saw it in my friends' lives and especially in the lives of my students when I was teaching high school. Students cling to the labels they have been given by the schools or their parents. Whether they are called gifted or challenged, talented or disabled, well-behaved or trouble-makers they all seem to "own" and live up to the labels they've been given even when it is clear that somehow they have been mislabeled.

This brings me to the label I can't seem to shake. I have owned it for so long that I believe it even when no one else would dare give me this label today. I wonder if I will ever truly believe that I am not "INFERTILE." I am about to give birth to my 4th baby in less than 7 years...how can I be infertile? Yet, we were told in 2000 by a fertility specialist that I was infertile and we would probably never be able to get pregnant on our own. That one little conversation has forever changed the way I see myself. I look in the mirror and see an infertile woman. Belly and all...I am infertile in my own mind. Because it took us so long to conceive Shelby and then again after our miscarriage to conceive Lucy, I can empathize with women who long for babies. I know the pain of waiting month after month and how agonizingly long 28 days can be when you are trying to get pregnant. In that way, I am thankful for the label. It has helped me to identify with those women in a way I might never have been able to. It has also shown me beyond a shadow of a doubt who the giver of life is...the ultimate fertility specialist...the creator of all life...and the definer of who I really am. I can take no credit for the creation of my babies. He gets all of the glory. In that way, I am thankful for my label.

Still, I want to shake it. I long to wake up one day and see a vibrant, healthy, fertile women staring back at me in the mirror. I hope it happens soon, because after June I will not have the chance again...unless, of course God has other plans.

my girls

Lucy's hair is growing rapidly now! It seems to be growing straight up. She is in love with popsicles just like the others, especially in this summer-like weather.

Shelby and her neighborhood girlfriends all got HSM shirts on sale this week at Wally World. They had to get a pic of their twinkieness.

Lucy is obsessed with balls. She loves balls, balloons, bubbles...anything round. She was trying to pick all 3 of these up at once. She has much more patience with challenging tasks than the other 2 do. They both have always had low-frustration tolerance. They will try something like that a few times, then throw them across the room or growl in frustration. She will try again and again until she figures something out. She does get frustrated sometimes, but usually it is in response to one of her sibs taking something from her or herding her somewhere she doesn't want to go.

Below is a pic of Shelby in her new shorts outfit. She has refused to wear pants of shirts for almost a year now. Dresses or skirts only, until about a month ago when she started saying, "Mom, I only don't wear pants b/c you never buy me any. Why don't you ever buy me any shorts?" Maybe sister Sue, b/c it would have been a total waste of money since you refused to wear them for so long. I did buy her some biker shorts a while back to wear under her dresses b/c she has a hard time sitting like a lady and wears dresses to the playground. So, I have told her she will have to wait for hand-me-downs from friends. However, my mom felt sorry for her and bought her some. Pretty cute, I must say.

Miss California

Watch This Video

I am not trying to start any more controversy than this whole scenario has already caused, but it is a sign of the times that I do want to remember and a good lesson for our children, so I have to post about it. This is a prime example of someone being called "hateful" because they stand up for their beliefs. After watching the interview above, it is very apparent which person is hateful. Although she may not have given the answer that the judges or activists wanted to hear, she was not unkind or hateful with her words. The judge on the other hand was extremely hateful. The other big issue I have with the activists being so outraged at her answer is that it was not a particularly un-PC answer. When you consider that only 4 states actually observe same-sex marriage, that leaves a staggering majority of 46 states who do not. How is stating that you hold the same opinion as the vast majority of Americans un-PC? The biggest lesson here for our kids is that no crown, political position or group of friends is worth denying your beliefs...regardless of where you stand on the issue. Even if she would have given the opposite answer and Conservatives were attacking her, I'd be proud of her for speaking up for the beliefs she held dear in a non-hateful way.

Anyone want to fess up?

Some wonderful friend has anonymously gifted me twice now. I LOVE this jewelry and purse. It came in the mail labeled from Shelby and Jesse for Mother's Day, but the postage was from Olathe, so the gifting bandit is up to mischief again. I burst into tears when I saw the package in our mailbox. I knew it had to be the the same person who left a whole bag of awesome Christmas gifts on our porch for the entire family. I know that she wants to remain anonymous, but I am dying to know who it is that loves us so much!! If you read this and want to fess up, please do. If not,just know that I appreciate you and I am thanking God for your kindness!

TBall

Shelby and Jesse both started T Ball this week. Their first official sport. Jesse's team is 3 and 4 year olds and Shelby's is 5 & 6. They each have one practice during the week and then games on Saturday mornings through mid-June. It was really special this week b/c Grandma Sherri was here to see their first game ever!

Shelby runs the bases like a pro. She is disappointed that there are only 2 other girls on her team, but it will be good for her.


Jesse had a little push from "coach Shelby" on this run. She stood by 3rd base and egged him on. He is a fast little guy! Determined too!



This was the typical 4yr old distracting himself by putting his arms in his shirt shot. He really was more focused than most on his team, but he did have his cute moments. Whenever anyone would hit the ball the entire team would rush together to get it and tackle one another to fight over the ball. Mayb football would be a better 1st sport??
Overall, they had a blast!! I am hoping they will make some new friends through T-Ball. We saw Jesse's coach and his son at the park today. It is nice to finally start seeing familiar faces in public.

Christian Liberty?

Many of our friends and family accuse us of sheltering our kids and being too strict about what we ourselves watch and/or listen to. Even when I try to explain our reasoning to them, they often say that we are being "legalistic" or that we aren't embracing our "freedom in Christ." I can't believe how misunderstood the concept of "freedom in Christ" is among Christians. The sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit inside of us is a beautiful mystery. As it happens, you just know it. All of the sudden, the same forms of entertainment don't quite appeal to your senses anymore. The same old activities might bore you or even offend you. You become a different person because of Christ living in you. You crave things that the Holy Spirit finds appealing and you grieve when you see things that grieve the Holy Spirit. Anyone who has had this happen to them understands what I am talking about. Those who haven't can't possibly understand it until it does. People have to come to a place where they allow the Holy Spirit to change them from the inside out and until they do, they see any attempt at holy living as being legalistic or intentionally depriving one's self of the seemingly innocent pleasures of this world...especially when it comes to entertainment. This excerpt is taken from a great blog post that illustrates (better than I can, myself)this misunderstanding of Christian liberty. It was forwarded to me from a friend. The entire post can be found HERE.

"....Christian liberty only goes so far. Did Christ die so we can watch actors french kiss and grope each other or have sexual intercourse (even if their characters are married and "they don’t show everything")? Did Christ die so we can hear people take the Lord’s name in vain a bazillion times in 90 minutes? Did Christ die so we can have the liberty to laugh at gay jokes? I’m not saying movies and TV shows that depict sin are automatically wrong? But what if they depict sin as fetching? Or as funny? Or what if they present sin as dark and gruesome and blow-out-your brains evil, but never lift you out of the cesspool of sin?

I know that movies can be art. I’m not against Christians in Hollywood, nor against Christians going to the movies. I’ve seen plenty of movies myself. But, seriously, how much of what is out there is really serious art? I remember reading Adventures in Missing the Point by Brian McLaren and Tony Campolo. In one chapter after McLaren was going on about the importance of engaging the culture, Campolo responded with something like, “True, but let’s be honest. Most of the culture out there isn’t worth engaging. It’s cheap, tawdry garbage.” (Feel free to look up the exact quote for yourself.) In other words, is our “incarnational” ministry really making great inroads for the gospel by familiarizing ourselves with the stuff that makes 16 year old boys laugh and your grandmother squirm? What happened to not even a hint of sexual immorality (Eph. 5:3)? What about the whole “whatever is lovely, whatever is pure...” thing (Phil 4:8)? And while we’re at it, how does being entertained by the world’s lasciviousness fit with the injunction to not even speak about the things the world does in secret (Eph. 5:12)?

I may have a more sensitive conscience than some. And perhaps my sensibilities are not refined enough to enjoy the art that’s out there. But I can’t help but look back on all the entertainment I’ve consumed and think “Has all of this been anywhere close to a net positive in my spiritual maturity?” Certainly not. It’s also worth thinking about how Christians just two generations ago (let alone two millennia ago) would have viewed (or not viewed!) the stuff we watch. As conservative Christians we like to complain about the decline in values in our country and how things that would have never been tolerated 30 years ago are now completely mainstream. And it’s true: our culture tolerates more sex, more violence, more crude humor, more foul language, more cleavage, and more sexual deviancy in it’s entertainment than ever before. But wouldn’t our grandparents say the same thing about what we have come to tolerate as Christians? We are so used to settling for sex that isn’t that graphic, and language that isn’t too bad, and visual stimulation that isn’t so much that we have become blind to our own worldliness."

Good stuff!

We took Grandma Sherri, Aunt Vickie and Uncle Larry to our favorite Mexican restaurant today for lunch. Hopefully they will send me some of the pics they took so I can add them later. After we ate, the kids played in the stream and waterfall outside, where they picked up all of the litter they could find and threw it in the trash. They are really getting into the "green" thing thanks to a new Green Elmo video my mom bought for Lucy. It may have been odd behavior for a lunch outing to a nice restaurant, but I was so proud of them for taking the initiative to do that.

Last weekend, Jeka came to town for Easter. Shelby was so sad when she found out that she had to leave on Sunday. This is a pic of Jeka trying to console her as she cried her heart out. I hope that she will move here when she finishes grad school. The kids adore her!

our sweet tooth-brushing baby

One of Lucy's favorite things right now, next to bouncy balls is toothbrushes. Sometimes we have to lock her out when we brush our teeth because she is obsessed with brushing hers and never wants to stop. She usually stands on a chair while she brushes and dips her brush in the water 100 times smiling that big sweet smile the entire time...until we take the toothbrush away. They we have to distract her quickly or she is devastated to give it up.


I love her curls. When her hair is wet the back actually hangs below her shoulders, but it kinks back up as it dries. So precious. All of our babies have had curly hair at first. Now Shelby and Jesse still have waves, but nothing like the locks they used to have.
She is now sleeping with a satin princess pillow courtesy of her big sister and brother. Shelby and Jesse both have satin pillow cases that they love and they decided Lucy needs one now. She seems to love it as much as they do.

Yes, she still goes to sleep with a bottle. I love how sweet she looks when I put her down each night. She holds her bottle, bonka and blanket as she drifts off to sleep. I try to take at least a few pics of my babies in their cribs so I will never forget to way they look as I tucked them in at night. It is such a short time period in the grand scheme of things. Blink and they are in big kid beds.

The PJ Crew!

Today was the first rainy day in over 2 months. It was like 58 degrees, big change from 90 this week. We are in warm jams tonight. I love snuggling with my babies. After church tonight we hung out on our bed while James played worship songs on his guitar. They danced and jumped on the bed to Salt and Light, Shelby's favorite.

My sweet babies...

I hope they always love each other as much as they do right now!



95 degrees yesterday...on the porch...in a onesie...the Life!

my big belly at 29 weeks

Now my friends can't accuse me of exaggerating.

Grand Canyon Pics

Here is the hiking crew. You can see the Canyon behind them.


My parents tried to convince me that Shelby and Laura Beth were hanging in this tree out over the canyon. Daredevils!


These ladies shared the back seat on the 2 1/2 hour road trip there and from what I hear Shelb was just one of the girls that day. She even got a caramel frapaccino from Starbucks.


So cute and hip in their matching glasses! Aunt Jeka is definitely idolized!


Lucy didn't go, but I just thought this pic Laura Beth took was cute.





Thank you, Laura Beth, for sending me these pics! I am so glad you captured the day for us.

It's all about Cheez-Its!

This is for my brother. After our lively discussion this morning, I was looking for the message you told me about by Marc Driscoll about being born again. I came across a message on You Tube called "It's all about Jesus," and we were listening to it during lunch. When Driscoll said, "It's all about Jesus," Jesse said, "It's all about Cheez-Its? He's talking about Cheeze-Its!" with a huge smile plastered on his face. He was so excited that someone else shared his enthusiasm about Cheeze-Its. Can we say, "obsessed?"

What I am loving right now...

The Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic channel. This guy is AMAZING! I am blown away at how quickly he turns crazy dogs around. James tried to tell me how awesome this show was while he was back in Kansas ataying with Tray and enjoying his cable. Since we have had kids I haven't really been a "dog person," so I didn't think I'd like it. I stand corrected. This is one of the only shows we watch on cable and it is sweet!

Why didn't anyone ever tell me about these babies? I am one of the few people in the world that LOVES licorice! This is licorice with a hard candy shell on top. OH YEAH! Love 'em!

My last two births were pain-med free. Jesse's was totally natural. Lucy's required pitocin (the roller coaster drug from Hell), but no pain medication. I basically hypnobirthed Jesse on my own with focused breathing and a lot of self-talk. I was so focused during every contraction on making sure I was calm and allowing my body to open up and move the baby down that it was an amazing and beautiful experience. With Lucy, I didn't maintain that focus and my labor was long, non-productive and then crazy painful at the end b/c of the pitocin. I am trying the official Hypnobirthing method this time and I am so excited to see what a difference it makes. I bought the book and cd b/c I can't afford the 5 week course.

Kefir is like yogurt but even better. It has like 10 strains of friendly probiotics as opposed to the 3 in yogurt. Sarah A turned me on to this yummy stuff and Shelle S. has given me the recipe to make it on my own.

This book has taken all of my free time lately. It is such a beautiful story in the lineage of grace series by Francine Rivers focusing on the life and impact of Bathsheba. I have read Ruth too and I have Tamar to read next. I love how Francine Rivers brings biblical characters to life and paints a historically accurate picture for us of how their lives might have really been. She is one of my favorite authors by far.

April Pic overload

Another Cheeze-It lover in the family. She snuck these before breakfast this morning. She and Jesse are partners in crime when it comes to sneaking food.

Here, James is studying with Jesse asleep on the couch. This is when Jesse was sick last week and keeping Shelby awake with his cough, so he slept on the couch for a few days.

I am always amazed at how well the kids include Lucy. Even though she is 5 years younger than Shelb and 3 years younger than Jess, they always take good care of her. She can always be found snuggling with one of them during movie or reading time. They do an excellent job of inculding her in whatever they are playing too. It cracks me up to see her playing with Pollys and making them talk gibberish to each other.

This is Shelby asleep on Daddy's shoulder during naptime. He is studying again...which he spends most of his waking hours doing.Actually, he does a pretty good job of balancing it with family time. He has gotten good at rewarding himself with a little free-time after each quiz or test. He usually goes to Starbucks or the library to get away from the madness and noise when he can't concentrate.

Jesse loves to hide under his bed. If we can't find him, that is one of the first places we look. He has even fallen asleep under there before. Lucy gets a big kick out of finding him under there, but she can't seem to make it under without bonking her head a million times and crying.

Playing Doctor on the Patio. Shelby is always the Doctor. Firstborn, go figure.


Playing with brother before bedtime.

I love this silly pic of Lucy b/c it really shows her personality. Her smile reveals her ornery nature. She knows she isn't supposed to be sitting on the train table and she is busted.

Shelby fills my memory card with tons of crazy self-pics. This is one of my favorites.

I promise that I do brush my kids hair and dress them in cute clothes every once in a while, I just forget to take pics when I do. They are going to be so mad at me when they look back over all of their pics and they look like ragamuffins. I will have to do a better job of capturing them when they are put together. : ) At least I have no problem showing us as we really are most of the time. (I guess that means we really are ragamuffins.) That's okay with me.

Laura Beth & Jeka came to visit!

Last week, Laura Beth came to visit us and my parents from Weds thru Sunday.
It was great hanging out with her and catching up. The kids were in heaven with her here.
This pic was on Sunday after Sunday dinner and kids' baths at my parents. We all went to church together at CCV and had a yummy Mexican dinner at my parents. My Dad is an AMAZING cook. He takes great pride in the meals he creates and rightfully so. I can still taste it! Jessica was in town too. I will have to get some pics from my mom to post of her and the kids, b/c I don't have any on my camera.

This pic cracked us all up b/c Jesse is in the backgrund wiping his nose. He was a sick boy last week. He had a sinus and ear infection. Because of of that Jesse, James and I had to miss out on the trip to the Grand Canyon on Saturday. Shelby got to go and had a blast. I will have to get some of those pics too.